Suicide Squad One-Shots

Don't Call Me Ma'am - Harley x female!reader

STORYLINE - A Harley Quinn oneshot where she kidnaps you.
(I slightly changed it to the Joker kidnapping you and Harley trying to help you if that's okay. Hope you enjoy it!)

After what seemed like an eternity of darkness, you woke up in a barely lit room, torture equipment hung up on the walls like they were decorations, grubby tiles underneath your feet, you would have thought Jeffery Dahmer was the house owner's interior designer. "What should I do with her, J?" You heard from behind, you looked down to find yourself tied up onto a soplintering chair. You squirmed and tried to shimmy yourself out of the ropes until you heard footsteps from behind. Mini floodlights in each corner of the room flashed on, and a young woman appeared in front of you. The red and blue hair and the devilish smile was instantly recognisable, Harley Quinn, the Joker's sidekick. "What do we have here? A girl? How sweet! Did Mista J bring ya here?" She enthused.

You groaned, "Where am I?"

She stretched out her arms and proclaimed, "You're in my basement, puddin'! Cute, ain't it?"

"If you think blood, guts and horror is cute, then sure, absolutely adorable." You scrunched your nose in disgust.

"Glad you agree, do ya know why you're here?"

"Can't say I do, ma'am."

"Aww, you sweet thang, callin' me a ma'am like I'm a lady! I ain't no lady, don't call me ma'am. And I don't know why you're here too, Mista J brought you here for some reason-"

A familiar voice from behind growled, "She has been brought here because she has something to do with our little batfriend," a pair of hands grabbed your shoulders, "Making friends, are we Harley?" The hands let go of you, and the infamous Joker stood next to Miss Quinn.

"Oooh, you know Brucey? What's he like? Is he like the memes? How big is-" She was cut off by the Joker smacking the back of her head, "Hey J, that's rude!"

"Shut it Harley! So your name is (f/n).. " He pulls out a piece of paper out of his pocket and he started to read it aloud, "You're (age), and you're also known as Catwoman..? That ain't right, Harley! Where did you get this info from?!"

"Wikipedia! I'm kidding.. From Facebook." Harley giggled.

"For gods sake, did you copy and paste it?" The Joker rolled his eyes and grumbled loudly.

"Uh.. No?"

"Forget it! I'll make her squeal like a piggy for all the information I need. How do you know Batman?"

You smirked, "Well he's a superhero, everyone knows him, we've met once. It was quite fun."

"Whatcha do? Play scrabble?" Harley joked.

The Joker rolled his eyes once more and yelled, "Shut it Harley! What did you do?"

"He tried to arrest me." You stated.

"For what?"

"(Crime)."

The Joker grabbed a handful of your hair, making you wince in pain. He said, "I don't believe you. And I am usually right about these sorts of things, so do you know I do to liars?" He let go of your hair, he walked over to the left hand side of the room and lifted two sparkling rods of the walls. "These are my babies, meet Gadget and Springle. I am their father, Harley is their godmother, do you want them to feel you, to touch you? I must say I don't warn ya, they have a tendency to be electrifying!" He pressed them against your arms and a painful joint shocked through your body, making you yelp in pain.

Later that night.

You were covered in bruises, head to toe after the Joker had finished with you, cuts and burns made your skin ache, you heard footsteps from behind and Harley revealed herself once again. She was holding what looked like clothes and a first aid kit. "How ya feeling?" She asked softly, kneeling down on the floor next to you. You grunted, and she untied the ropes around you, saying, "You don't need to act pissy with me, I didn't electrocute you. I'm getting you out of here."

"What?"

"I've brought ya bandages and clean clothes. I'll lead ya outside of here and give ya directions to a hospital, and whatever ya do, don't report what you've been through. If the doctors ask, just say it was a dirty street fight ya got involved in. Mista J and I don't need it right now, any otha time is fine. If you do, you'll regret it."

"Why me?"

"We've hurt many people, J and I, men and women and kids. But I felt somethin' in my heart for you, what's the word..? Sympathy, that's it."

"Again, why me?"

"I dunno," her voice turned into a audible mutter, as she dressed your wounds with bandages, "Maybe because you're pretty and smart? I dunno."

"I heard that ma'am." She blushed, grabbed your face and slowly pressed her lips against yours. Fireworks went off in your heart, your lips tingled with pleasure and your heart thumped in excitement. She pulled away, lust in her eyes, she sternly spoke, "That never happened, right?" You nodded, she gently took off your shirt, and pulled a clean one over your head. You put your arms through, and tried to take your trousers off, they came off with a little struggle, Harley gave you the trousers and you put them on with minor trouble. "Gee, you're brave. Are ya really a bad guy?"

"Yes.. I'm known as (Villian name).

"Holy moly, I've heard stories about ya but I never thought ya existed! Wait... Ohmagawd, (Villian name) is wearing my clothes! I kissed (Villian name)!" You blushed at her fangirling, then she realised how silly she was acting, she cleared her throat and apologised.

About half an hour later.

"So here ya go, (y/n). Take care of yourself puddin'," she smirked as you got out of her disguised car, "take this too." She handed you a folded piece of paper, you opened it to reveal a phone number and Harley's signature at the bottom. "I wanna see ya in your costume sometime, hell, I might even let ya try on mine."

You blushed before saying, "Thank you ma'am."

"Don't call me ma'am." She winked, before driving off. You looked around to find Gotham's national hospital, you walked in and got the help you needed.

Harley's POV - The next day

"Harley! Where the hell is (y/n)?!"

"I dunno, J. Maybe she was scared away by your bad breath."

"Harley.. My sweet harlequin, she is gone, (y/n) has escaped and I think you had something to do with it."

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Who knows? And anyways, we didn't have nothing on her. She didn't know squat."

"Whatever, you're going in the chamber next for that."

"Do ya mean the basement?"

"Shut it Harley!"