Tomorrow, still Today| (Kim Taehyung)

Oblivion

-"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion, for a moment, that we're not alone."-

- Orson Welles

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I get more calls frequently. My phone waking me up in the middle of the night, stopping me when I'm in the shower, stopping me on my way to the hospital.

I always pick up. There are not many people that own my number, only one that calls me.

Like I said, I am great in pushing people away.

I'm tired and my eyes burn. No coffee helps and I try my best to stand tall.

It's hard not to fall apart.

It's the fourth time today and I'm so tempted to drive back to Busan. But I can't right now. I'm needed here.

So I just pick up again, trying to calm my father down, trying to ask him if he took the prescripted pills, if my sister is there with him.

He's scared. The schizophrenia is nagging on him, the voices in his head too loud nowadays. They tell him to do bad things.

He's seeing my mother. Her halluzination asks how I am doing. I say, I'm fine, trying not to let my knees shake whilst saying that.

Dad tells me, she loves me.

I tell her back.

That makes him happy for a few moments. Then he complains about the voices again, telling him to go outside.

There's a lake outside.

I tell him not to listen. I tell him that it's rainy today and not a good idea to go outside. That he should rather wait till my sister is coming home.

I feel like throwing up, already did in the morning a few times, when he cuts the call like he always does.

Without a goodbye.

And, without admitting it, that is my biggest fear. Not saying goodbye, again.

It leaves me in paranoia and I feel myself growing insane, as I huff a breath, my head laying on the back of my seat, the driver's seat.

I'm in front of the hospital and there are clouds up in the air, promising rain. Maybe thunder.

It fits.

My tongue drives over my dry lips as I open the door and step outside, finally making my way to the mental hospital.

I'm way too late but I can't seem to bother.

The constant paranoia and fear is with me, as I step along the crowdy hallway.

Dad, Taehyung. Dad, Taehyung. Dad, Taehyung.

"Are you alright?", a nurse asks me, soothing my back with her hand. I flinch back and give her a pained smile, nodding.

My mouth is dry and I can't really open it.

Smiling is difficult these days.

Everything is difficult these days.

Ever since that day, Namjoon has told me to hurt Taehyung, everything goes downhill.

I can't sleep anymore. I haven't eaten in those three days. I don't really talk much anymore. But I somehow always make it to Kim Taehyung, not that much when he's awake.

After another night of no sleep, I stood up and drove to the hospital, running up the stairs and opening the door to Taehyung's room.

He was sleeping and I was relieved.