don't be a fool [s.m]

chapter 1

here we were again, me and my best friend. sitting in a room with one another, and nobody else.

we sat together, but felt very distant. we didn't talk, we just thought. in our own mind, our own hearts, until i decided to speak up.

"shawn," i whispered, "you and i both know she's not good for you."

"amanda, i love her. you know i can't leave her that easy." his voice is slightly louder than mine, and his words were almost heart-shattering for me. he loves her.

"she's breaking you, shawn. and this always happens. you come to me, hoping that i can fix it. i might be slightly stitching everything back together for you guys, but it's breaking our relationship in the process." i tell him, watching his eyes fall to the floor.

"please don't make this about you." shawn squints, rubbing his face.

"w-what?" i question, even though i heard his statement clearly.

"you always say that. that you feel hurt when you can't even get a boyfriend, and have nothing to worry about." he looks at me and i can feel the tears welling in my eyes.

"you're right," i suck in a deep breath, letting a single tear stroll down my cheek, "i don't have anything to worry about. all those nights you came to me crying, o-or with bruises all over your face, i shouldn't have been worried. all of those times you texted me, telling me to come over because you were upset with yourself, i shouldn't of been worried. all of those times where you told me you wished you had a better life, i shouldn't of been worried. i should've never been worried." i cry.

"manda, i didn't mean-" he begins, but i cut him off.

"no, shawn. you did mean it. you still do mean it. don't be a fool." i say and stand up.

"amanda, please." he grabs my hand but i quickly pull away.

"i'm sorry," i shake my head, "i can't do it. i can't calm you down when you're mad, i can't rub your back when you're sad, i can't hold you when you're tired, i can't put your pieces back together when you're broken. i just can't do it. i have to go now. goodbye." i say and walk out of his bedroom, heading downstairs and out of his house.

the rain soaks my hair and body as i start my way home.

as i walk, i feel goosebumps form on my skin, my body trying to fight off the cold. i pull my arms around my chest and duck my head down, trying to avoid as much of the rain as possible while attempting to heat up.

my house was about a mile away, so i had a long walk.

-

continuing to move at a slow saunter, i started thinking about the last seven years. all of the years i have known shawn.

he met bethany in eighth grade, and hasn't let go of her since, even though she's put him through endless amounts of emotional and physical pain.

about a year ago, i started feeling for shawn. as i seen his confidence and happiness drop, so did mine.

he was the happiest person alive before she came along. she ruined him, and still is ruining him. he just can't see that. he's still caught up on her physical appearance.

i've been trying to get him out of it, but he won't cooperate. and it's starting to hurt me a little too much. call me selfish, but it's the truth. he's my light, and as he slowly dims, a never-ending black hole starts to devour me.

all of my thinking stops as my door appears in front of me. i reach into my  cross-body bag and pull out my key, unlocking my door and stepping into the corridor.

i shut it behind me and slide down, my butt softly hitting the wood flooring. my head collapses in my hands and i completely lose it.

i cry for hours and hours on end, stumbling around my living room, staring at every picture of me and shawn for almost fifteen minutes each.

he's called many times, and texted too, but i declined all of them, leaving him unanswered. i didn't reply to any texts or calls from anyone for that matter.

my anxiety started pushing up through my surface, almost driving me to insanity.

after scrambling around about an hour after that, i laid down on the floor, feeling sick. my head was pounding, my stomach was rumbling, and my eyes were trying to stay open. black spots started to appear and then i heard his voice, calling my name.

"amanda!" the sound was delicate, and so were the hands that wrapped around my small body. for a moment i saw him, rushing me out in the pouring rain. then, everything was black.

-

a/n yes, i'm starting a new fanfic. it's kind of a sad start, but i actually really like it, i think. tim horton's is staying up even though i think it sucks, but whateva. vote and comment. show this new book some love.

xx, char