The Golden Queen

Twenty One

Twenty One

TIME; it could not be controlled or changed, but one thing was absolutely certain: it always passed. No matter its pace, whether slowly or quickly, it passed. And as it did so, I kept up with the days on a calendar I had made, reminding myself even if I lost track of time, it would not stand still. Winter became spring as it dawned March.

Ahmose only grew more distant. He would close his door to me at night, and during the days, he would avert my gaze if we passed each other in the halls. He no longer stepped in to check on me as he so often did, and he refused to see me if I asked. He hadn't spoken to me in weeks. Thutmosis had destroyed my life, leaving me with crumbled pieces as I tried to put back together what now lay in ruins. With a swipe of his hand, he had taken my best friend from me, the man who had become the single most important person in my life.

I could no longer live with this silence. I was trapped in a standstill, frozen though the world around me continued to move. But I wanted to move with it; I wanted to move on with my life. And move on I would, even if I had to tear through the gauze that grief had wrapped me in. I knew what I had to do.

I wandered the halls until I came to Ahmose's study, a room surrounded by columns in a secluded corner of the palace. He was seated behind a great cedar desk, his head bowed as he scribbled furiously onto a scroll. "Pharaoh?" I called softly from the columns. I no longer felt privileged to speak his name. For a moment, his eyes snatched from the parchment to meet mine and slanted as he scowled at me before returning to his work. "May I speak with you?" My voice was a pathetic whimper.

"Go away," he replied quickly. I lingered by the column, wondering what to do. I wanted to do as he asked and leave him alone, but how would our friendship ever be mended if he never spoke to me again? He looked up again, and realizing I was still there, he sighed. "It is unbearable for me to cast my eyes upon you. I cannot stand to even hear your voice. Please, just go away."

The cruelty of his words should have pierced me like a dagger, but Menefer's passing had numbed me and I was incapable of feeling anything but a raw, reverberating tremor. I approached the desk anyway.

He kept his head down and made no move to stop me, so I drew in a breath to gather my courage.

"You are so angry with me, and I don't understand why. Where is the man of integrity who saved me from the streets?"

"Integrity?" he retorted. His eyes flared as he grew very angry. "How dare you question my integrity?" He slammed his fist onto the desk so forcefully, it rattled. I winced.

He must have sensed my apprehension. His anger diminished, and his eyes suddenly became very dismal. His fist relaxed, and he ran his elegant hand over his face, drawing in a deep breath. He was a miserable heap, his shoulders sunken, and his face hidden from me behind his palm. I reached out and brushed my fingers along the veins of stress that had etched their way across his hand. For the first time in weeks, he did not retreat from my touch.

"Ahmose," I whispered. Why had he chosen to shut me out? Seeing him in so much pain hurt me more than the cruel words he had shouted at me just moments before. "I did not come to upset you. In fact, I came to bring you news of which I'm sure will lighten your countenance."

He glanced up at me, his eyes distant and unfamiliar.

"I ask your permission to depart from the palace."

His hand left his face and he straightened himself in his chair, falling into a grave quietness. "You...want to leave?" He echoed my meaning, trying to make sense of the words.

"Yes, I want to leave. Menefer is gone...and you hate me," the words left a sour taste on my tongue. His eyes shot to mine, though it appeared as if my words had stung him, he did not deny it. I continued before his silence could crush me, "I have no reason to stay here any longer. As you and I both have known for a long time now, I do not belong here."