Rants/Blurbs

Rant/blurb

One year ago today; I didn't know what we were doing, but I liked it. I smiled when I heard your ringtone coming from my phone. We talked to late hours. You made me happy, you made me feel beautiful. My only thoughts were about you. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would be okay. You told me you would be there for me and I believed you.

Eleven months ago today; You rarely replied to me, but when you did, I was so happy. You commented on my picture with another one of your quirky comments. Just when I thought you forgot about me and I was about to let you break me, you made me smile once more. I wasn't giving up. 

Ten months ago today; I knew it wasn't going to ever become something, but deep down, I wanted it to be. I tried to let it not bother me, and so far it wasn't working. Besides, you started school and I started school, so maybe you were just busy and couldn't find time to get to your phone. Maybe you still liked me.

Nine months ago today; You were with another girl. I think it was a date. We don't talk anymore. You hurt me. I miss you. I'm giving up. I thought we had something. You texted me, saying we need to catch up. You hadn't changed though.

Eight months ago today; You got a girlfriend. I was scrolling through old pictures and came across some of our old conversations I had screenshotted. They all consisted of you calling me beautiful. Was it all a lie? How could you forget about all this so fast?

Seven months ago today; You crossed my mind a lot, but I was going through a lot more important things to care about some boy.

Six months ago today; I went through a lot this month. It was kind of like a month of hell. There was a part of me wishing you were there to help me through it, but you weren't. I had to find a way to survive it by myself.

Five months ago today; I was still recovering from my month of hell. You barely crossed my mind.

Four months ago today; You broke up with your girlfriend. Not that I cared. Not that I miss you.

Three months ago today; I can't get you out of my mind. I miss you. I hate you. I need you. I need to forget about you. My tears were for you.

Two months ago today; You gave me a nickname back when we talked that I thought was kind of weird, but now that you're gone, I miss it. I miss you. I texted you, it was your birthday. You tried to catch up, but then once again, stopped replying. 

One month ago today; I still thought about you. You still crossed my mind. I still wish we worked out. But we didn't, and that's that.

Today; I still think of you, a lot. I still miss you, a little. I still get butterflies when you like my pictures. But you've moved on. What we had was nothing to you while it was everything to me. I haven't been as happy as I was that day. But I'm okay. And I'm going to be okay.

okay so this was hard to write as it was very personal and this is kind of what I've been going through. Not all of it, this is just surrounded around one topic, obviously a boy. I just needed to let this out.