Emotions.

Heartbroken

So I really don't know how to start this but I guess we can just start from the beginning. These past few weeks I've mentally and emotionally have felt like shit and I am sorry that you keep seeing my 'boohoo' posts on your tumblr dash because I can imagine the last thing you wanna see is my broken and love sick heart on your aesthetic blog. But with this being said I think this is gonna be the last vent because I truly need to move on and get my shit together (or that's what we can only hope for).

When someone walks out of your life you never realize how much it can truly effect you. How much damage it can do on one body and mind. It hurts when nothing but memories of the past keep popping up in your head and suddenly sends instant pain to my heart. Like why? Why do I keep thinking about you? You moved on and you are happy (or at least you think you are) and I am happy for you. But why do I keep thinking about you. Why? Its fucking ridiculous how I was that ran away. Me. Not you. How I was the one that was scared. How I couldn't handle myself so I dragged you down with me and only hurt you.. it fucking makes me sick how I can't help but miss you and how I miss us...

But I was the one that ruined us.

It hurts how I keep thinking about our first kiss. Our FaceTime dates. The first I love you. The laughter. You holding me. The pictures. You sharing your secrets and me sharing mine. How I shared that cigarette with you.. how much I long to do that again.. how much I kinda long to do it all again..

But again this is all history. History that should not be repeated no matter how I want it. No matter how badly I crave you I shouldn't go back and I shouldn't do that to you. I shouldn't play with your heart or head like that..

So for now these will be words I will never dare to share to you. I love you. I will always love you.