Cold Hands / a Dan Howell fanfiction

3

After she got changed I got back inside her room. She was laying on the duvet, so I halped her go under it, but then I saw her ribbs and belly again. God, why is she doing this to herself?! She needs help, but I think no one knows, no one beside me now...

When I look at her face I see a beautiful, smart, funny girl that really needs some help right now and I am the only one awere that she is hurtting. I don't really know her and for sure she woudn't listen and neither trust me, but I can try at least. Something inside of me makes me belive that she doesn't want anyone to know, especially Winter.

I need to help her! I look around for her phone so I could leave a message. When I find it I put my number in her contact list and then call myself. I knew my stalking skills will help me one day.

Chara,

I didn't told Phil or Winter that you got drunk last night, but I told them we will meet tomorow, I mean today, at Starbucks at 5 p.m.

See you there, Dan.  

Chara

Fuck, my head hurts! God, what happened last night? How the fuck I got back home? Oh, Dan.

I look at my phone and see that I have a new message, from Dan? When I gave him my bloody number?

I read the message and then look at the time, half past four. I need to get changed. I get up to look for chlotes, but my head hurts so badly that I can barely stand on my own feet. After I  get changed I  go downstairs.

Winter made breakfast and it smalles so good, but (1) I don't have the time to eat, (2) I am way too fat to eat and (3) who makes breakfast at 4 pm?
She trys to make me eat something, but I tell her that I'm going to eat with Dan. Lies.

When I get to the coffee shop it's alreary 5 and I can see Dan sitting at a table. He looks good, he alwasys does, unlike me. He looks up and slithly waves at me. I wave back as I aproch him, I wonder why he wants to meet with me.

"Hi Chara." he says while he runs a hand through his messy hair. Unlike the other night his hair is curly instead of straight, but he looks so much better like this, more natural. I just want to ask him why doesn't he keep his hair like this all the time, but I can't. It would be too weird and is none of my business.

"Umm... Hi. Did you order anything?"

"No, I was waiting for you."

I wonder why am I here, I could have just simply not came. But then I remember he is the one that got me home the other night when I was drunk. I cringe internally at the word. I usually don't get drunk, but I haven't drank in ages, so this must be why I got so easily intoxicated.

Before I can ask him why did he wanted to see me, a barista appears and asks for our orders.
She has this big smile on her face when she looks at Dan, but he doesn't seems to notice. I don't blame her, he is cute, but I feel good in a way that he doesn't paid too much attention to her.

"Umm, I want a big latte with caramel and chocolate muffin." After the barista notes every thing down she looks at me, waiting for my order.

"I will have a cookie caramel mocha please." I pat myself on the back mentally for not screwing this up. Who knows what I could have said. Human interaction is not my number one skill.

"Get her a chocolate muffin too." Dan has this look on his face that makes me believe that whatever I'd say he will not change his mind about that muffin. Why does he care?

"You know, I'm not really hungry." I tell him after the barista has taken off.

"That's what I want to talk you about." He looks worried and I don't understand why. What does he know and I don't? For a second I swear he looks frightened, but then worried again. Why was he worried? Did we? Did we had sex? Is that why he wants to talk with me, to make sure I don't follow him around or something? Is he that kind of guy? The guy that takes advantage of intoxicated girls? No, he can't be, he is so nice and... My thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of our order. Bless.

I look up at Dan and I see him staring at me. After we are alone againg he starts.

"Last night, when I dropped you at your house, I helped you to get in bed." I could literally hear my heart beating. What happened and why does he look so concerned? "When you took your t-shirt off I saw you. God Chara why do you do this to yourself?" In that second I could see how my world crumbles apart. He saw how fat I am. He ordered that muffin to make fun of me!

"Then you know." I say without looking at him. "Please don't tell anyone or make fun of me..."

"God Chara why would I make fun of you? I promise I won't tell anyone, but just if you promise you will not starve yourself." How does he know I don't eat that much anymore?

"Dan, I don't know either way of losing weight. I tried so many things, but they don't work. I am as fat as-" but I can't finish my sentence because Dan interrupts me.

"Chara... You are not fat. You are exactly the opposite. God you are so skinny!" I don't understand. All I see in the mirror is a fat girl.

"Dan that's not true, I'm so fat and disgusting! Please, you promised you won't make fun of me!"

"Char I don't know what to say or goes to say it but you are skinny, ok? I find you very attractive but you are now too skinny and you need to stop starving yourself. If you don't I will need to tell Winter." Oh god he can't tell Winter she will be so disappointed in me and she will tell my parents.

"Dan, I don't like how I look, i find myself fat and I need to lose more-"

"Chara, I swear to god I will help you get over this but you need to understand: There. Is. Nothing. Wrong. With. You."

"Dan-"

"No Dan. Eat your muffin and then I'm going to show you something. And don't you dare puke it afterward!" He said the last part in a lower voice as he grabbed my hand squzing it lightly. 

"Your hands are so cold!" He said as grabbing my hand with his other one. "Please let me warm them again, please let me help you."