Convalescence {h.s au}

0.1

Harry Styles.

Being one of the best soldiers in a unit had its perks.

For example, everyone admires and respects you. Spending months on end in filthy trenches, cramped together with your fellow soldiers wasn't an ideal situation. But the connections you make with the people around you are what make the situation a little more bearable. With everyone admiring me and respecting me, it makes it a lot easier to make friends.

I have made many friends in my two and a half years of fighting this war. Sadly not all my friends have made it to this day. We have lost so many people in this war that I have stopped counting. The amount of people I have lost that were close to me has thickened my skin. Nothing makes me cry anymore, I am numb to everything.

This is what being in a war does to people.

Shell shock impacts many of the soldiers that are caught fighting in the war.  The sheer horror of the conflict has left many soldiers mentally unstable and even driven them to suicide. I would like to think I am not a part of the majority that suffers from shell shock, but shell shock affects people in more than one way.  The main symptom of shell shock is hysteria and anxiety; something I do not suffer from.  However, I do suffer from the insomnia caused by the trauma of fighting. I cannot go to sleep without the fear of nightmares plaguing my rest. Exhaustion is not a good look, even when you're in the trenches.

I have been fighting this war now for way too long. Two and a half years surrounded by death and violence can mess you up in the head. I dream of going home but it looks like there's no end to this war any time soon.

Today was like any other day in the trenches; wet, lethargic, dirty and cold. It was currently May in France and unfortunately that was the wettest month of the year. Rainfall levels were at its highest leading to an increase in the cases of trench foot. Luckily, I have only suffered from trench foot once and I did not have a severe case.

Right now I was trying to catch an hour's sleep on a saturated and grimy fire-step.  The feeling of filthy water seeping into my uniform and the fear of an attack while I was unconscious was what led me to my current state. I was unable to sleep, although I was absolutely shattered, and thinking about everything going on in this war.

Tonight there was a planned attack on the German trenches, which were just a mere 50 yards away from us.  The small distance between the trenches did not ease my nerves on a surprise attack. I was always paranoid but I had every right to be.

"Styles, I hope you're not sleeping on the job" a familiar voice chuckled from behind me.

"Sod off Liam, I'm just resting my eyes" I replied to one of my best mates in the trenches.

Liam hasn't been here long enough for the trauma of the war to get to him. In fact, tonight's his first raid. He's only been out here for just under a month, but in the entire time he's been here we have become best friends.

"Fair enough" I heard Liam say ever so quietly.

Before I knew it I felt the wooden fire-step creak beneath me and I felt the reassuring pressure of another body being pressed into mine. Liam released a big sigh before talking again.

"Haz, I'm nervous".

"Don't be".

"Wow, you're great at comforting people".

"Thanks".

Sarcasm was mostly what I spoke in nowadays; it seemed I was fluent in it. The lack of emotions makes my situation a little more tolerable.