Vagary

Chapter two

Every time I had the dream I analysed it. This was not something I did when they first began because how would I know what I had to do. The dreams started when I was thirteen that's two years ago now but I still don't know exactly why. My parents tried to tell me in the beginning however they said it made my dreams worse and upset me so they stopped. I know whatever occurred on that day where my memory blacks out must have caused the nightmare and I'm getting closer to finding out what happened.
   The dream tonight started out as it always had. I was stood as I always was on something solid. I couldn't see what it was and my heart beat a rhythm of panic in my chest, as I waited for the inevitable. A figure stepped out of the shadows and moved towards me first at a walk then a run. I screamed and they yelled something unintelligible before slamming into me pushing me into the abyss.
   I fell through the afternoon sky tumbling over and over unable to stop. Instead of freaking out I tried to open up my senses to catch new information that was constantly being revealed. When I first had the dream I couldn't feel, see, smell or hear anything around me because I closed myself off. I just fell letting the fear consume me and always woke up screaming. But one day I got so angry thinking about all the things that had happened to me, I started smashing things and cut myself. The pain was crystal clear and brought sudden new clarity to my waking and sleeping life. I could then feel the wind rushing past me as I fell in my dreams, remember the sensation of pain from the forgotten day and feel the emotions of others around me much clearer than I previously could.
     Ever since the I have tried to discover ways to unlock my subconscious mind to get answers. I'm on an adventure of sorts, a journey even. My quest is to find that borrowed part of my memory and to get free of the hideous falling sensation I can't shake. 
  Tonight I could vaguely see the things around me like the outlines of buildings. I could smell the city smoke and food vendors. I could hear the far away honks of horns and chatter of people. Above all I could feel the wind and a slight pain in my back. This pain persists to my waking hours but I don't know why. There was also two sounds that didn't fit the setting in every dream,  the whirring sound of machinery and the sound of a distant telephone. These were not the key to my past I knew that for certain, these were something else entirely. 
   Things have become so much clearer recently and I know I'm just one more step away from figuring this whole thing out. The problem is I'm out of ideas and patience.  I need to know and I need to know now.
   As usual I woke up from the free fall panting heavily. My whole body ached and I saw that I had ended up on the floor again and from the feel of it kicked the radiator. Great I'd be limping all day. My sister walked in with a plastic smile glued on her face but it was sagging. "Are you alright," she asked wearily and I simply nodded.
   "Dad made pancakes," she offered awkwardly and I got out of bed in answer.