Fallen

1. The Edge

    I take a step up, my feet leaving the sturdy sidewalk and meeting the wavering rails of the town bridge. My toes just barely hang over the edge, I choose not to look down or the reality of the situation would talk me out of it once again. I push my weight onto the balls of my feet, gravity doing its job. I could feel myself letting go, each precious thought escaping the messy trap of a brain I have. Each tangled blurb of a moment spreading its wings, a miserable collection of my life soaring in front of me.

    The open air stings my face, however that feeling, being in the open air gives me the release I need. I carefully remove my clenched hands from white-knuckle fists to open palms at my side, and with that I take a deep breath enabling the wind to embrace me in one last hug. It's ironic, I say goodbye with a breath of sadness, one that once welcomed me and gave me life.

    I am ready. I know I am, but faintly the little voice still nags me from the back of my mind, trying to convince me that there is more to life and living. I push more and more of my weight onto my toes, I can feel each pound leaning me forward.

     This has to be the last time I go through with this, the pain of the final moments and letting go are more than I can handle, and that insignificant voice in my head needs to be silenced. I lean all the way onto my toes, just enough before falling.

     I inhale another distant breath, one full of melancholy, all of my happy moments fleeing with the sad. The salty air forces its way into my nose and mouth, it's hard to breath, the air is heavy and full of moisture. I look down, scared of the dark and twisted ways of the river below me, each wave is fighting for dominance. However, the river will eventually claim me as its memento of battle. The pit in my stomach grows larger as I inch forward, my body leaning more and more. I prepare for the drop, imaging the feeling and the results.

    I squeeze my eyes closed, tears show weakness, regret, guilt; tears burn, I will not let them harm me one more time. I can still sense them building up, the tension in your throat, preparing you for aching pain.

    I put the finishing weight onto my toes, pushing the limits of gravity, asking for a few more seconds of time.

     I am doing it, I push all the way, but instead of the sensation of falling and the agony of crashing into the murky abyss below me, I am met with a yank in the opposite direction, pulling me to the ground.

     As if hired by the hands of fate, someone pulls me into a hysterical heap on the pavement before the bridge's rails.