Compass • Rick Grimes

Chapter Four

"I found the Devil,
I found him in a lover,
And his lips like tangerines,
And his color coded speak."

When the moon had reached it's highest peak we were all gathered around the campfire. I sat on the ground, discreetly holding my battered torso as if it was going to fall apart any second.
Nathan's presence hung over me like a dark cloud as he sat on the log next to me. It took all of my strength not to cringe when he shifted his burly frame or placed a strong grip on my thigh.

Rick spoke clearly over the crackling fire.
"Disoriented, I guess that comes closest. Disoriented. Fear, confusion… all those things but… Disoriented comes closest."

"Words can be meager things. Sometimes they fall short." Said Dale wisely.

I nodded. Dale seemed to be right about most things these days.

"I felt like I'd been ripped out of my life and put somewhere else. For a while I thought I was trapped in some coma dream, something I might not wake up from ever." Rick rubbed at his face tiredly.

My heart went out to the guy. Being in a nightmare you can't wake up from, I knew the feeling.

"Mom said you died." Carl mumbled blinking up at Rick.

My chest ached at the thought of my sweet parents. Nathan gradually stopped me from contacting them, leaving me cut off for the last two years.

"She had every reason to believe that. Don't you ever doubt it." Rick pulled him close.

"When things started to get really bad, they told me at the hospital that they were gonna medevac you and the other patients to Atlanta, and it never happened." Lori spoke, still pained.

"Well, I'm not surprised after Atlanta fell."

I was raised by my Mom Janette, and her wife Kate in the quaint town of Marietta, 30 minutes away from the hustle of Atlanta.

I regularly asked myself the one question that I knew would rip me apart from the inside.

Were they still alive?

I could only hope.

"And from the look of that hospital, it got overrun." I tuned back in to see Rick still talking.

"Yeah, looks don't deceive. I barely got them out, you know?" Shane said in a strange tone.
I narrowed my eyes.

"I can't tell you how grateful I am to you, Shane. I can't begin to express it." Rick murmured, still overwhelmed.

"There go those words falling short again. Paltry things." Dale said softly.

Embers from the fire danced on the light breeze and I sighed inaudibly as a wave of tiredness washed over me. I wasn't allowed to go to bed without permission.

I never used to be so docile and obedient. But thrown into this new life I had to play by certain rules for things to run smoothly.

Nearby Ed chucked another log onto the Peletier's fire.

"Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?" Shane asked.

"It's cold, man."

"The cold don't change the rules, does it? Keep our fires low, just embers so we can't be seen from a distance, right?"

Shane seemed to be holding back his anger, suspecting the type of man Ed was.

"I said it's cold. You should mind your own business for once." Ed spat.

My heart began to speed up at the nearing conflict. And the possible onslaught of walkers that would follow.

The tension was palpable. I opened my eyes to see a blue pair looking back curiously.

I averted my gaze to my hands.

Shane sighed as he got up.
"Hey, Ed… Are you sure you want to have this conversation, man?"

"Go on, pull the damn thing out. Go on!"

I couldn't tell whether he was demanding or daring someone to challenge him. Either way, I was ready to kill the son of a bitch myself.

Sophia watched as Carol quickly pulled out the log with shaking hands.

Oh Carol.

"Christ." Shane stomped the flames out before looking back at them.

"Hey, Carol, Sophia, how are y'all this evening?"

"Fine. We're just fine." Carol replied quietly.

Shane nodded.

"I'm sorry about the fire."

I'm sorry about him.

"No no no. No apology needed. Y'all have a good night, okay?"

Carol gave a small smile, thanking him.

"I appreciate the cooperation." Was all Shane said before taking a seat in front of the main fire.

The breeze ruffled our hair like a sigh of relief.

"Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind." Dale asked making me perk up at the mention of Daryl.

As much as I disliked Merle I knew it was wrong to just throw him to the walkers.

"I'll tell him. I dropped the key. It's on me." T-Dog said with determination.

"I cuffed him. That makes it mine." Rick pulled Carl a bit closer.

"Guys, it's not a competition. I don't mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy." Glenn cut in.

I almost agreed with him before realising that it wouldn't matter. Anyone close enough would get caught up in the Dixon's fury.

Which was understandable, his only living relative was walker bait.

T-Dog shook his head adamantly. "I did what I did. Hell if I'm gonna hide from him."

"We could lie." Amy shrugged, Merle's absence having no major impact on her.

"Or tell the truth. Merle was out of control. Something had to be done or he'd have gotten us killed. Your husband did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's." Andrea looked at Lori.

I took a breath before speaking, Nathan's presence seeming larger than before.
"And that's what we tell Daryl? I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you? His brother was left as walker chow."

Everyone zeroed in on me as I piped up for the first time that night. I shifted awkwardly before Nathan placed a tense hand on my knee.

I resisted the urge to vomit as stress filled my body. I didn't like being scrutinised and now I was going to be punished for opening my big mouth.

"Word to the wise… We're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt." Dale finished for me.

T-Dog mustve been eager to sign his death warrant as he continued.
"I was scared and I ran. I'm not ashamed of it."

"We were all scared." Andrea let out a scoff. "We all ran. What's your point?"

"I stopped long enough to chain that door. Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through that… Not that chain, not that padlock. My point… Dixon's alive and he's still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That's on us." He huffed, throwing his hands up.

Later that night some slept soundly while others tossed and turned.

Being the latter with one bruise extra I squeezed my eyes tight, hoping, praying. For those of us who's hearts worry instead of beat.

One day the sun would rise and we would be okay.