Home H.S

Chapter 23: Make this feel like Home (Pt.1)

How many nights have you wished someone would stay?
Lie awake only hoping they're OK
I never counted all of mine
If I tried, I know it would feel like infinity

Infinity - One Direction

"WANKER," I MUTTERED watching as Liv left Jack's house with Amy.

Adam - or asshole Ken as I like to call him- looked at me and was about to retort something but I walked away. I could hear him blurt a few words, probably rude ones, but I couldn't care less. I had just ruined my one chance to talk to Liv and that was all I could think about as I left the party. I was annoyed with him but ten times more annoyed with myself for letting him drag me into a nonsense argument. I lost focus on what my real purpose was in there and I wanted to punch myself for it.

When my sister suggested that I should tell Liv about the songs I had written for her, I remembered how Jack, who was helping me write most of them, mentioned to someone over the phone he was hosting a housewarming party on May 30th. The morning of that day I was on a plane on my way to 'casually' run into Liv and talk to her. It may have been a bit reckless and desperate, but you can't blame a man in love for trying. Right? Although, after what had happened I started thinking it was all for nothing.

I texted Dale, my bodyguard, to come to pick me up, and shortly after he was waiting for me outside Jack and Lena's surprised to see that I was leaving the party so soon and alone.

"Leaving so soon, mate?" He asked, and I nodded, grunting in response as I climbed into the passenger's seat.

"Where are we heading?"

I wondered then if I should go to her house and push my luck a bit further. Maybe if I got to be alone with her, she could hear me. I rehearsed my speech so many times I could almost say it in my sleep, I had the need to let her know everything I was feeling. 

"Let's go back to the hotel, please," I mumbled reluctantly, attempting to give her some space for a change although it was killing me.

I arrived at the hotel and asked if they could open the gym for me. I needed to let off steam in some way. I tried calling her after changing into my workout clothes but she didn't answer. I imagined she had probably fallen asleep as soon as she got home.  I didn't want to give any other option a spot in my mind.

Dale offered to come with me, but I needed some alone time. My feet hit the black treadmill belt heavily pounding as I gained speed. For a second, I closed my eyes and imagined I was finally running towards her. My mind wandered fast, imagining different scenarios, revisiting all of our past encounters, and eventually landing back on what had happened hours ago. She was finally opening up to me, probably due to the alcohol running through her veins, but it was a huge step. I wanted to kiss her so badly, hold her, touch her; she was at my absolute mercy for a few minutes and I felt invincible for a nanosecond or so. Her unique and intoxicating scent, sweet yet citrusy and fresh, never failed to leave me submitted to her wishes. 

I loved her so much that whatever she wanted, even if it meant being away from me if it made her happy then I was down for it. Even if it meant getting she was back together with Matt. God! I couldn't believe I was even considering it, but if she wanted to be with that Adam knobhead Ken doll, I'd leave her alone and give them my best wishes. Though mainly, I believed I could make her the happiest she could be; I would give her anything and everything she needed and wanted. I was ready for the job. I just had to find the way to hold a proper conversation with her, to stop ruining every single chance and just talk to her straight from my heart.

When I finally decided to head back to my room it was already the early hours of the morning. My flight was leaving at noon and a few hours of sleep before it seemed like the smartest choice. Needless to say, I spent those following hours tossing and turning in bed. Whenever my eyelids felt heavy, I would startle and check the time to see if it was appropriate to try and call Liv again.