Falling

Out

The silence in the car is deafening, I'm dying to know where we were going but I don't want to ask. Shifting in my seat I stare out the window only occasionally looking over at my Master, hoping that he will offer some information.

As I shift in my seat for the millionth time he glances over at me, "Stop squirming pet." He commands. I look down, sitting on my hands and stilling myself. Reaching across the middle console he pulls my left hand out from under me, holding it in his. "Relax." He soothes, running his thumb in circles over the back of my hand.

It's strange to me that he is so gentle with me sometimes and rough others. He acts like he cares about me, he comforts me, he took care of Carmen, he lets me access anything in the house and use the staff.... If he hadn't spent half a million dollars on my virginity, and didn't leave me bruised and/or bloody at least twice a week I might actually think he did care.

We pull in to a parking lot with a few other cars and I stay in my seat as he comes around, helping me out of the car. He takes my hand and leads me down the path until we come to a bench on a hill, down the hill there's a playground with a few children playing, adults on the benches at the edge of the gravel. He pulls me to sit with him on the bench. Putting his arm around my shoulders he pulls me against him and it probably looks quite sweet but the grip he has tells me it's more about security then about affection.

I look around, wondering how many of the people wandering the park are his security staff. I'm still scanning the park when I hear a familiar laugh and freeze. I feel my Master tense beside me as my head snaps towards the sound. At the park below us there's a streak of blue as a little girl takes off running towards the swings and as the momentum blows her hair back I get my first good look at her face.

"Carmen." I breathe, taking in the sight of my beautiful baby sister, looking happy, healthy, and as stunning as I remembered. I look over at my Master who is watching me, now with a slight smile tugging at his lips.

"She doesn't know you're here, they know only that I asked them to bring her and after setting them up with the child they so desperately wanted they were happy to listen." He says, searching my face. The tears that had been stinging the back of my eyes chose that moment to erupt and I burry my face in his shoulder, he tenses momentarily but soon relaxes and rubs my back soothingly. This is the most affectionate I've ever been, I haven't let him see me get emotional since that first day but right now that's the last thing on my mind.

"Thank you." I choke out, still nestled in to his shoulder.

"You're welcome." He says gently.

We sit for another hour, watching Carmen run and play, hearing her laugh and when she grabs the hands of the man and woman with her I can't help but be glad. A small, selfish, part of me wishes she needed me, but I am so glad to see her doing well and happy that I don't care how it happened anymore.

My Master leads me to the car without speaking, he buckles me in and goes to his side of the car. We drive in silence, when we arrive home he comes around and unbuckles me, helping me out of the car once more. My head is spinning and I barely hear him as he informs me that I may have the evening to myself. He walks me to the room but leaves me there alone heading for his office.

I lay on my bed for a long time, trying to process. My head is spinning and I can't slow myself down. My mind and heart are racing and I just want to enjoy the thoughts, I want to slow them down, savour them. I pace for about 20 minutes before I give up, throwing myself on to the bed, frustrated at my failure to slow my mind down. That's when it hits me, I need something else to focus on, stop the thoughts all together so I can come back and sort through them one by one.

I change quickly, pulling out a pair of knee high socks and a shirt that hangs to just below my ass, my usual attire around the house. I pad down the hall and pause when I get to the door to his office, I've never gone to him unless he's summoned me before. Taking a deep breath I tap gently on the door. I hear him call out for me to go in and realize there's no turning around now.

I push the door open and close it again behind me, walking to his chair and kneeling at his feet the way he likes. "I didn't summon you." He observes, stroking my hair absentmindedly with one hand. He stays focused on the screen in front of him, reading some document.

"I wanted to thank you, Sir. You have me an amazing gift today and I have been too emotional to show my gratitude properly." I say, chewing my lip and keeping my head down.

"What troubles you pet?" He asks, looking away from his computer and tipping my head up so my eyes connect with his. I look down, unsure of how to proceed, I hadn't thought this far ahead. "I hate it when you break eye contact with me." He says calmly but with a steely undertone. I look back up and take a deep breath.

"Please hurt me sir." Is all I can muster. His eyebrows raise and he observes me for a moment, scanning my face and my body.

"Come." He says abruptly, standing and walking out of the room. I scramble to my feet and walk after him, keeping up but sure to stay a respectful distance behind him. He stops at The Room and opens the door leading me in and instructing me to undress and kneel on the bed. When I am there he comes over and tilts my head back, making me look in his eyes once more. "Why did you ask me to hurt you?" He demands, his eyes dark, tone low.

My voice shakes as I answer, maybe it was a terrible idea but it was too late now. "I can't slow down Sir." I reply, "My brain is going a mile a minute and I needed something else to focus on, to switch me off for long enough that I can go back to those thoughts and sort through them." My voice shakes a little but I push through trying to sound confident.

To my surprise he leans down suddenly, kissing my lips hard and fast. "I'll help you shut down pet." He says, "But you remember that you came to me. You asked for this."

Fuck.

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