I C AN TE LL THAT IT SABIT DAR KER
5:17
i look to my left with half opened eyes. my alarm clock reads 5:17 am. i rub my face, there are dried tears on my cheeks and under my eyes.
two weeks, two days, four hours, and seventeen minutes since the last time I talked to my best friend tyler. but who's counting?
i don't blame him for cutting off contact with me. hell, why didn't he do it sooner? sometimes I'm not there for him because I don't know what his situation is like so why should he be there for me?
"stop it." I say out loud. my therapist says that verbal interruptions will help me stop my negative thoughts. I sigh, and turn over to look back out at the snowy forest behind my house where I would meet up with tyler during the summer. our houses were on each side of the small forest, so we would meet up almost every summer day there. we would wade in the creek or talk for hours in a makeshift treehouse. we stopped meeting up there after... after he lost her. tears start to fill my eyes and and fall into my face. i lean over and take four of the sleeping pills on my dresser. I sink back down into bed and sob myself to sleep.
IM APR O AT IMPER FECTI ONS
-SMALL TRIGGER WARNING-
7:09
i wake up with a splitting headache and a thousand regrets. the alarm clock reads 7:09 am. I slept for more than twenty four hours. I decide that it's more than pathetic to stay in bed for close to forty eight hours, so I get up to make myself breakfast. I walk down the stairs and into the bathroom. the cuts on my wrist are deep and probably infected from two days ago. i clean them as much as I can before wrapping them in a piece of white cloth.
after I eat a breakfast of two energy shakes, I sit down on the ground next to the coffee table. I sigh and pick up the phone.
"don't," I tell myself aloud. "don't you call him."
I dial his number. he doesn't pick up. I leave a voicemail. "hey, tyler," i pause. "it's um, it's josh.." I pause again. I didn't think through what I was going to be saying. "i was just calling to see if you're there, people at school are worried about you, we care about you tyler." that is true. acquaintances of tyler stop me in the halls to ask me if he's okay. I never answer. "please give me a call back as soon as possible." I hang up, put the phone down, and let more tears silently roll down my face. I wait about twenty minutes before calling again.
"tyler, it's josh again." i pause for a long time before saying, "we miss you tyler. me, micheal, we're worried about you. please call back. i miss you." i can hear the pain my own voice. I sound almost pathetic. I hang up the phone and immediately call michael.
it rings once before he answers.
"hey, josh," he sounds tired. "how are you?"
"not good. how busy are you?"
"be there in ten minutes. I'm bringing soup" he hangs up. im glad I have michael as a friend.
after we eat, tyler called back. we headed to his house with more soup and nerves higher than the roof.
-END OF CHAPTER TWO-
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hold me (joshler)
Fanfictioni have been listening to some no phun intended and wanted to write what was in my head. this is a bit of joshler, it will progress as the story does. thank u for reading!
