JESSE EISENBERG FACTS

a chat with your local trash can : Cafe Society

* mild spoiler alert for Cafe Society *

okay so this isn't a fact but I just watched Cafe Society, and I thought I'd share with you what I thought of it. Therefor read along as your local trash can, me, Rey, lists off the things she did and didn't like about this movie. And first off,  tHREE THINGS.

1. BLAkE lIvElY aNd JeSsE oH wOw I loVe it
2. everything is so  p r e t t y 😇
3. wowie Kristen Stewart I think I just might just now be more than 50% gay

+ top three things I said throughout the movie
1. "that's incest that's incest that's incest stop stop stOp"
2. "no don't, pls don't why Bobby boo whyy"
3. "VONNIE NO WHY"

what I liked =
• "if it means that much to you we'll do it now get over here" // that entire scene, if you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about
• okay, in all seriousness, this movie had a VERY interesting character conflict and I wasn't expecting it to be so intense at times.
• Jesse the baby puppy dog, obviously.
• everyone 👌🏻looks 👌🏻so👌🏻cute👌🏻
• this movie is hella quotable oh my lord , my favorite is "life is a comedy written by a sadistic comedy writer". because you know...... lowkey writer..... lowkey comedian... me....... no? no ok.

what I didn't like =
• "wowie Jesse I love Kristen Stewart too but please yoU HAVE A BABY AND DEADPOOL'S WIFE CALM DOWN" / too much focus on Vonnie?? I thought she could've lowkey gone away??
• "butttttt , they still love each other in the end" , okay? i was okay with this but I wanted Bobby boo to be happy.
• ... okay so I may have gotten REALLY MAD at Kristen Stewart's character half way throughout the movie because, you know, "yOU LITTLE HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BABY PUPPY'S HEART"

also other than occasional one liners that are straight out of Woody Allen's lawyer, *cough cough*, "age means nothing love is all that matters" , I give this one a good B+ and honestly I have n o  idea why this movie got so many reviews saying that it was bad I was so worried.

and this is literally the most random trash ever but I'd love to share my opinion on some of Jesse's movies with you guys so leave suggestions and if you want more?? or?? ignore me?? I'd love to do the social network I have so much shade to throw but oKaY LOVE YOU BYE