No One Loves Us So Let's Be Gay Buddies [Earthbound, Mother]

bottle rocket is not a metaphor for pee-pee apparently

tony is even gayer than lucas because he wears a hat and all the gays wear hats except for my friend sam so yeah tony is really gay because he wears a hat

or the hat thing could be like an england britain thing but whatever its a gay thing today

anyway tony went to see a twenty one pilots concert and he got called up onto the stage to sing a song called heathens tony knew all the words and he sang them all really good because all gay people sing good and my gay friend sam sings good too

also sam does theatre

tony likes this genius kid named jeff andonuts because they go to the same boarding school that has all boys in it i mean come on where did the creators of that school think they were going with that they were basically summoning the gays together into one big rainbow school

also gays like snow so that also doesnt help at all

also jeff is like the only kid in that entire school that does not like boys but he doesnt like girls either he likes bottle rockets

tony thought that bottle rockets was like a metaphor for like penis or something so he decided to throw a big ol jamboree for jeff coming out

he got rainbow streamers at party city and a big balloon with confetti in it so they could poop it and the sparkles would go everywhere and stuff it would be so cool 

tony got a black balloon and filled it with rainbow sparkles because gays are rainbows and stuff

tony got back to his dorm and started decorating for jeff because jeff is so hot and amazing and stuff

suddenly maxwell came in like jeff is coming

oh my god tony yelled and started getting everyone to hide all of his friends were there because they were all gay and they wanted to make sure that jeff was legit and welcome him into their homosexual tribe

jeff came in and all the lights were off then he turned them on and everyone was like surprise

ah screamed jeff and tony jumped on him and hugged him really tight like so tight a boa constrictor would be like daaaaamn

tony what is this jeff said

its a jamboree for you queen tony smiled and pulled jeffs face down and gave him a big ol kiss on the lips

pause for fangirling

then jeff just let it happen and stuff so yknow it was cool

when they pulled apart they were both all red and stuff then all the gays around them were like yes queen slay

tony why would you do that jeff asked

because i love you jeff and im proud of you for doing what you did

what well thanks but it wasnt that big of a deal jeff answered

uh it was a huge deal hon thats like the most important thing in your life one of the gays said and all the other ones nodded in agreement

uh guys can jeff and i get some alone time tony asked sweetly and all the gays exchanged those cheeky grins all gays do like tyler oakley and stuff look it up its great

anyway all the gays left and tony sat on jeffs bed with him

are you okay jeff

yeah he answered

i kinda wanted them to leave anyway i mean too much gayness for one party am i right

haha jeff answered

well jeff when i said that i liked you i meant it and i want to know if you love me too

jeff blinked at him well i dont like you like that youre my best friend and i like you like that

tony got really sad and almost cried but hes a brave boy so he didnt

and also tony you and your friends are all amazing and stuff but i dont like boys like that

tony gasped what the hell are you talking about

i mean i dont like boys jeff said

tony got real concerned like for real

so youre straight

jeff shook his head of course not girls are too difficult theres no formulas or equations to figure them out i like being able to build my own things and love them because i created them just the way i want them to be 

tony shook his head but you said you liked bottle rockets]

jeff nodded

so you didnt mean like a penis you meant like an actual bottle rocket

jeff nodded again and smiled at tony

what he flushed angrily

you thought i was referring to a penis tony you are so gay

i know jeff i know

tony was still confused

so if you didnt actually come out then what was your whole not a big deal thing about

jeff laughed oh that well im building a new bottle rocket and i just figured out the trajectory ratios for the fins and

okay okay science and stuff i get it tony interrupted

well tony thanks for listening

okay youre welcome tony said

goodnight

goodnight

tony cried himself to sleep because jeff his one and only love didnt love him and he was destined to be a lonely gay that was roommates with some random lesbian and did random stuff on the internet and stuff with other youtubers and he would only have like three subscribers but he would still make videos like he was popular

and that was tonys problem