No One Loves Us So Let's Be Gay Buddies [Earthbound, Mother]

they fINALLY meat haha meAt.

tony and lakas were both soooo lonely all of a sudden tony ran away from school instead of helping jeff escape which messed up the entire plot of earthbound

i mean come on they would have gotten nowhere without jeff

for real

anyway tony got on a train and went straight to whatever town lucas lives in even though he has never met him he felt something calling him towards tazmily so he went there and at the train station he saw a spooky ghost even though halloween is over and he gasped oh my god what is that spooky apparition doing here tony squealed gayly

go to lucas the ghost said which confused tony and he pulled his hat down over his head like a shadelock holmes person

who even is lucas tony thought lucas is such a gay name what the frick

then tony realized

another gay maybe

another friend

maybe

tony ran out of the train station before he realized he didnt even know lucas or where he lived or what he looked like or whether or not he was actually gay

when tony went back into the station the ghost was gone it had vanished into thin air which technically isn't vanishing its just changing its state of matter but whatever i didnt invent that phrase

anyway tony was walking on the street and there was no snow it was really weird he didnt like it he felt like it wasnt gay enough for him so he took out some flour that hed saved from jeffs coming out cake and sprinkled it all around him

there much better he whispered when he walked into town square everyone looked at him and thought he was crazy wearing a thick school uniform but he had shorts on because hes really really gay he made the shorts himself out of pants because pants are nowhere near gay enough for tonys specific homosexual taste in clothes

plus tony was sprinkling flour everywhere so he looked like a crazy person

um excuse me young man can i help you a woman walked up to tony and smiled

im looking for a lucas

lucas that small kid that was scared of my titties

i dunno i guess

well he razor scootered that way so i imagine that he would live that way in the woods

okey thanks heterosexual woman

no problem small child

tony walked away and he was kinda scared at the thought of titties hes always had a huge fear of them ever since he was a baby he wouldnt breastfeed he was so scared

wait a minute tony thought that heterosexual woman said that lucas was scared of her titties so he must be gay too holy poops we could be pals but i doubt hes been friend zoned like i was before

tony kept walking in the woods until he got super duper tired so he laid down on the grass and took a little gay nap

meanwhile lucas was in his room eating salami with claus when a ghost appeared

holy rainbows what is that claus screamed

lucas the ghost said spookily but not as spookylike as titties

haha lucas the scary ghost wants you haha claus laughed at his brother what an asshole

go to tony the ghost said then disappeared

what whos tony i dont even know a tony

tonys a stranger lucas you dont have to go

i dunno claus i kinda want to tony is a really gay name i feel like i need to like its my destiny to meet tony or something

or hes just a creepy pedo

whatever ill take boney if you want

okay have rainbows i mean fun claus waved as lucas set out to find the mysterious tony with boney

tony boney haha that rhymes thats hilarious

anyway lucas walked in the woods for a while with boney until he saw some kid sleeping on the ground he was so weird he was wearing long sleeves and he had flour all over him

well i wouldnt wanna be friends with that loser lucas said

suddenly the kid woke up hey who are you

im lucas who are you

im tony

holy poops i found you they said at the same time

whoa that was weird

suddenly everything turned rainbow and sparkly and the ghost appeared
now you must become gay buddies for better and for worse in sickness and in health blah blah blah whatever hold hands now the ghost said

the two homosexuals held hands and blushed because well they're gay its kind of expected that these two odd and lonely children would turn red at the thought of having a friend that shares an uncommon trait with them am i right

spooky spooky la la la spooky gays and la la la the ghost chanted and the two rainbow children thought it was really weird what is this they thought

you are now gay buddies the ghost said then disappeared again

why does he keep disappearing thats like so rude tony said

i wish titties disappeared and were replaced with dickies so ness would love me lucas said

oh my poop i wish that too but that titties and bottle rockets would disappear and leave all dickies so jeff would love me tony said

well were gay buddies now so what do we do now tony

i dunno lucas should we go get something to eat or drink or lick
how about we go to my house i have salami

is it sliced

of course

well what are we waiting for vamanos

the gay buddies shared lucass scooter and razor scootered to lucass house to eat the sliced salami that claus probably ate while lucas was gone but lucas didnt know that so he may be in for a surprise when he gets home

i know what you've been thinking, reader

how did these people even meet they lived like hundreds of years apart
yeah well guess what
this is my story okay