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Passing Notes

AN// Hey guys, so this is me - I hope you're enjoying! Anyways I noticed a mistake a couple chapters back - I said Dean had 3rd degree burns but I changed my mind ab that I just forgot to edit it out so yeah. Thanks for reading again - I'd love to hear what you're thinking <3

Castiel POV

He couldn't help it, he was going back to check on Dean before it had been more that two hours. He knew that he was breaking protocol but there was nothing else interesting to do! Living on base was like being trapped on Mars, and he was sick of the stupid protocols anyways, so he went.

The halls of the hospital passed silently, nurses nodded to him in the halls and no one bothered to stop him. He was a doctor after all. It felt like it took ages to get there but finally he reached the burn unit and made his way to Dean's cot. As he came around the corner he saw Dean jump up in his bed, notebook in hand. Castiel cringed internally, his burns would hurt after a move like that. He smiled at Dean.
"You okay?" Cas came up beside Dean's bed and leaned on the handrails.
Dean flipped over the page and started writing something. Castiel regarded him as he did so, surprised that he was in such good shape. Castiel's eyebrows rose up in sympathy, it was so obvious that Dean was hurting but trying to keep it in. His eyes were rimmed in dried salt from crying and he looked disheveled, but somehow still painfully handsome. Castiel shook his head, trying to clear his mind.
Dean held up the notebook, in his slanting script it read: "What happened to a coming back in a FEW hours?"
It was all Castiel could do to keep from blushing, and he felt proud when he managed it. "I had nothing to do, so I thought I'd come a little earlier."
Dean wrote something down again: "You must have other patients?"
This time Castiel wasn't so fortunate in the blush control department. "Well I-" He didn't have time to respond before Dean was scribbling again.
He held up the notepad: "I know, I'm just breathtakingly handsome."
Castiel looked at the notepad, then did a double take, then gaped like a fish on land. He felt his stomach drop - was Dean.. was Dean into guys? He was still staring when he heard and odd wheezing noise. Dean was there on the cot, trying desperately to control his laughter - which had turned to coughing and then subsequently turned to pain. Castiel rushed to his side and placed a tender hand on his shoulder. His own heart racing, still caught off guard from the note.
"Just breathe okay, just breathe."
Dean somehow got his breath back, but his mirth was gone. He flipped the notebook page back over and handed it to Castiel. There was a list scrawled onto the page - titled "My Questions". Dr. Novak read them before answering.

"Question One - What of my troop?" Castiel cleared his throat and explained to Dean who had lived and who had died, it pained him to see Deans face turn pale as he mentioned who had departed - but it was evened out by the relief he showed when he told him who was going to be okay.
"Question Two - What base am I at?" Castiel looked at Dean, and Dean looked at him. "You're at Delta 262, your home base." Dean only nodded.
"Question Three - When will I be fit for active service?" Castiel gave Dean that doctors look that said you better not try anything. "It may take up to three months for your wounds to fully heal, so you won't be able to go off base until then. That's if everything goes to plan and there's no more air raids or... something." Cas saw Dean slump into his pillows, he looked royally pissed off that it was going to take three months. "Sorry," he added on, before reading the next question.
"Question Four - Andy??" Castiel's face fell, he had read about Andy in a report, he had read that he was closest with Dean - he didn't know the extent of their relationship but still - this wasn't going to be easy. "He didn't make it." Castiel said simply, not wanting to make it any harder than it was. Dean looked like something in him broke, he was wide open and Cas could see right through him. "I'm so sorry."
Dean snatched the notebook back before Castiel could read out any more of the questions. He scribbled on it as he tried to stem the flow of tears.
"Just go," it read.
Castiel got the feeling Dean didn't want to be seen like this, even though he had been open around him before. Castiel cleared his throat awkwardly, giving Dean a sympathetic look before he walked away. Who was Andy?

**

Castiel flopped down on a couch in the break room, some guys were playing foosball in the corner and another nurse was sleeping in front of the TV. He tried to clear the thoughts of Dean out of his head but nothing seemed to be working. He could feel the whole thing - under his skin, in his bones - it was happening again... Castiel ran his fingers through his tousled brown hair, in a stressed out way. What the fuck was going on, hadn't even known Dean for a week and he was already getting - no. Castiel couldn't feel that way, it wasn't allowed in the army and he certainly wasn't going to let some handsome soldier get under his skin. The truth was though that he already had.
But wait? Who was Andy and why was Dean so... so... no they had to be friends. It was better for Castiel to think that. And what about that note? What was that whole "breathtakingly handsome" thing? It had to be just sarcasm. Right? Castiel groaned in frustration and sat up from the sofa, holding his head in his head in his hands. He had to stop thinking about Dean!
He had to stop thinking about how his green eyes looked when they hit the light. He had to stop thinking about how he felt all warm when he looked at him, he had to stop thinking about how he could smile at him until his face hurt. Castiel needed to quit imagining what it would be like to kiss him - to feel the strength of Dean's arms through fabric, to feel the way Dean's skin came alive under his touch, to just - oh son of a bitch. Castiel ruffled his hair and got up uncomfortably, now he needed to go take a cold shower.

Dean POV

Earlier, Dean had consoled himself with the fact that maybe he had imagined Andy's death, that maybe the surgeons had somehow saved him, but now Dean's worst fears were confirmed and all he could do was cry. He felt sick, he felt weak, he felt disbelieving and angry that he couldn't get out of bed and beat the shit out of whoever killed Andy with his bare hands. Andy... Andy was gone now and Dean couldn't wrap his head around it. For months and months they had been each others go to "I'm feeling horny - guy" until it had changed. Quickies in the shower became late nights just talking behind the barracks and looking up at the night sky, contemplating infinity and the stars. It had changed from cheap sex to a deep connection, and Andy became someone who Dean could talk about his past with. Dean LOVED him, he loved him with all his heart. He had promised Andy that when they got home - he would make him his. He even proposed to him with the tab of a beer can one night at their usual spot. They were going to get married, they were going to say fuck you to the army and just live, but now Andy was gone - and Dean had to accept that their dreams were never gonna happen. Thinking of Andy like this hurt more than when he got shot in the shoulder, it hurt more than when he broke his leg in two places, it hurt more than when his dad hit him for the first time. Pain was ripping through his chest in a jagged array of heartbeats. It felt worse than when the truck had exploded in his face - he wish he had died in that explosion. Dean didn't understand why Andy died and he didn't, it wasn't right - he should have been with him. He tried to breathe but his chest was tight, and he could feel the panic rising - so he thought about the only good thing he had. A doctor.

Blue eyes, ocean blue eyes. Eyes that looked like a hurricane and a midsummers day all at once.