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Firelight

Castiel POV

Castiel lay awake in his cot, the sheets were tangled around his legs and even in the cold desert night he felt about fifty degrees too hot. He'd tossed and turned, he'd punched his pillow a million times, the music that normally worked to put him to sleep wasn't having an affect and he was starting to feel anxious. Castiel let out a disgruntled sigh and ran his fingers through his messy hair, his mind was running in circles. He couldn't stop thinking about Dean no matter what he did. His chest felt tight at the thought of him, his heart raced when he thought about his smile.
"Fucking hell," he whispered to himself, sitting up. This had to stop, he couldn't be getting feelings for someone he'd barely talked to. He had had about million handsome soldiers come through his care without any side effects, why was this different?! He got the familiar feeling of brief fear that ran through his chest whenever he started to get feelings for someone. Cas was getting really annoyed with himself, his head was feeding him a constant stream of thoughts about Dean - about the future they could have, about what the things they could get up to in the shower... Castiel rolled his eyes at himself, he was such a fucking tool - he needed to get over this. Whatever this was. He angrily ruffled his hair again and flopped back down on his bed.
"Rough night?" Mumbled a sleepy voice from the bunk that was underneath his, it was Elkins - another doctor.
"I guess so," Castiel grumbled in reply.
"Take a fucking walk," Elkins said, in a pissed off manner as he shifted around in his bed and drifted off to sleep again.
Castiel stared up at the ceiling, he knew where he would eventually find himself if he got out of bed. The ceiling felt like it was starting to press down on him.
"Fuck it," he said, exasperated. He kicked his legs out of bed, climbed down from the top bunk, got his stuff and shut the door quietly behind him.

The cool night air met him in a rush, it pulled the heat away from his body and made his head feel less clouded. He wrapped his coat around him and started walking, thinking. The stars were spread up above him in brilliant banner of lights, they shone so brightly here. The Milky Way spread out like a glistening sash - holding everything together. He sighed, what was he going to do?

Night watch soldiers and doctors returning from their shifts walked along in the distance, some of them together, some of them alone. It was a slow night, and the orange lampposts glowed like beacons through the all-consuming blackness. He was thankful for the calm, the lack of danger, the absence of wind. Castiel let out a puff of breath, feeling like it should freeze - it didn't. It seemed like the only thing in this night that was in turmoil was his mind. Castiel rubbed his arms as he sat on a bench beside the make-shift basketball court. He thought about home as he looked up at the stars, he thought about how maybe his mother was looking at the same sky, and thinking of him. He thought about how Nebraska would always be colder than this.

Castiel closed his eyes and remembered.

A light snow was falling, the quiet cold surrounding him, making his cheeks rosy and slightly numb. It was newly winter - this was one of the first times it had snowed this year. His boots hit the ground, silently - he was sixteen and he was going home. Home where there would be warm food and blankets, Castiel never wore a thick enough jacket. His breath froze in front of him, just a few more minutes and he would be there. Suddenly, he saw lights up ahead - blue and red flashing lights. They disrupted the calmness of the fading evening light, it was clear that something wasn't right. Cas quickened his pace, who's house were the police in front of? The calming way his breath had froze and disappeared earlier became bitter - the cold was no longer quiet, it was invasive. His heart rate was quickening, Castiel could hear it in his ears. There was a rushing sound inside his own head, he vaguely realized that he as running now. Snowflakes caught in his dark eyelashes, and all he could feel was the sense that something had gone horribly wrong.
Number 019.
That was the house the police were outside of.
That's where an ambulance was parked.
That was Castiel's home.