~ Jikook ~

|O| MINE

So this is a story I found on archiveofourown. It's by "porcelainsmile"
[The first part had me shedding a tear]
Also...warning, there's smut ;)

You never know what you have until it’s gone. That’s what ‘they’ say, whoever they are.

Much like the rest of the advice I’d gotten from my mother at a young age about irrelevant things, it wasn’t something I took to heart. I had bigger things to focus on. Like being so ridiculously young and leaving home to chase a dream I truly wasn’t sure I’d be able to have.

But I have it, and I have to work for it every single day – much like the rest of Bangtan. While everyone had their reasons for being so hard on themselves when they practice or write, I have my own. The ‘golden’ maknae, the one who can do it all. Rap, sing, dance, be better than the rest – it’s what I’ve been honed for since day one.

It’s never been a surprise to anyone that it takes a lot for me to express my emotions, and sometimes it’s because, really, I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Strong sensations that cause my heart to sink for reasons that my logical mind tells me don’t really matter. So lately, when things started to change – I couldn’t really put a finger on what was going on with me. I mean, I’d been told what people thought it was. When I say people, I really mean Taehyung, he's the only person I truly try to put my heart out to. But on that same token, he's Kim Taehyung. While I knew he was smart and genuinely cared for me, some of his ideas are ‘out there’, you know what I mean? Our resident alien and his strange synopsis of situations that couldn’t ever really make sense.

“You miss him.” He said to me one afternoon where everything sucked and I just couldn’t figure out why.

“Who?” I asked, brushing the black tresses of bangs away from my eyes and tucking it under my beanie.

“Jimin. It’s so obvious.”

“And so are the existence of aliens, right?”

“Exactly, I’m glad you’re with me here!”

I just shook my head. There had to be another explanation.

Yeah, Jimin had started to calm down when it came to his fake professions of love for me. We all knew he was kidding, right? Right.

But sometimes it just made me down right uncomfortable. Chasing after me in front of thousands of people, talking about taking me out on a date and holding my hand on the radio, on tv, it was everywhere. Of course there’s always the brotherly ‘hands on’ signs of affections that I felt were acceptable, and I could do those things with Taehyung. I could handle it with Yoongi hyung, Joonie hyung – heck all of my hyungs. With Jimin though – I just.. I couldn’t take it. It made me feel odd, weird in the stomach, and somewhere along the line pushing him away became second nature to me. I told myself it was just because he always seemed to make it into something that we all knew it really wasn’t. But the way he smiled, the way his face lit up, it was like – get an acting job and calm down okay? It was all too much.

So really, the thought that he passed up sitting next to me in the van that day was really a relief. The fact that he was teasing and touching Hobi hyung was a well-deserved vacation from the pawning that I usually had to flee from. The fact that he’d almost really kissed him was really fine by me. So how could Taehyung think the reason for this sour mood was just because, again, Jimin wanted to be somewhere else besides next to me was strange. Right? Right.

“You’re staring at him.”

“Huh?” I blinked, looking over at Taehyung – my brow furrowed.