France, England, and FrUk Oneshots

France's Birthday

((Happy birthday to my second favorite character!!))

*France's POV*

  France sat up in bed stretching. Today was the day! July 14th, his birthday. He refused to look at it as a day where he turned another year older, but to instead look at it as a day when he aged. Like fine wine, or cheese.

  He happily pranced into his kitchen, the sunlight streaming in through the window. "Happy birthday to moi!!", he yelled, opening the window. He brewed his coffee, made his crêpes, and sat down at the table. He ate his food and drank his coffee, staring at the phone sitting a little ways away.

  "Soon enough, all zhe counties with be calling moi! America will want to know about if I have a party, Angleterre will wish me a good birzhday, mon petit Canada will call... Zhis is so exciting!"

He hummed to himself as he washed the dishes, then sat back down at the table. "Maybe little brozher Italy will even call... What if Germany does? Exciting!!"

He sat there for about 20 more minutes, whistling to himself. Eventually he decided to get a nice glass of birthday wine for himself. He went down to his wine cellar, grabbed one of his oldest and most expensive bottles, his best wine glass, and went back into the kitchen.

No missed calls, yet.

He poured his glass and delicately took a sip. "Ahhh... Nozhing like a glass of French wine.." He finished the glass before looking down at himself. "I suppose I should clothe myself," he muttered. France had a habit of going to sleep nude. And not wearing anything else for half the day.

He put on his best outfit, and strolled back into the kitchen. No missed phone calls yet! He harrumphed, and sank back down into the chair. Why had nobody called him yet?...

Suddenly, he smirked, and grabbed the phone. "Perhaps zhey have forgotten. I will inform zhem myself!!" He quickly dialed a number, and leaned against the wall, twirling the cord around his fingers.

"Hey dude, America speaking!! Who this be, calling at this time?! It's like, 2 in the morning." France made a face. Oops! He had forgotten about the time difference...

"Oh, désolé Amérique! I forgot it would be early in zhe morning. It is moi, France. What state are you in?" America laughed. "Hey Francey-pants! It's all cool! I'm in a solid state right now!"

"...Non, like New York or Oklahoma..."

America laughed again. "Oh, duh! I'm in Texas! WOOT WOOT AUSTIN! Anywho, whatcha need? You're not drunk again, are you? Or did Iggybrows glue you to a ceiling fan again? Or are you-" France snorted loudly, cutting America off. "Non, Amérique. It is mon birzhday!!" America was silent for a moment. "It is?"

France sighed. "Oui, it's July 14th. I tell you zhis every year." America laughed for the thousandth time. "Oh! Well, happy birthday dude! Ok, I'm going back to bed." At that, he hung up. France's mouth dropped open.

"How dare he just hang up on moi like zhat?! I've gotten him so many great zhings for his birzhdays, and celebrated zhem properly. I got him zhe Statue of Liberty... So many gifts! Dozens of bottles of champagne and wine, money, dildos, cheese... He really needs to pay me back some day. I will call Canada!"

The phone rang for a few seconds after dialing the number, and then it was picked up. "Hello?... Eh... Who's this?", answered France's little brother, sounding half asleep. "Bonjour Matthieu! It is moi, big brozher Francis!!" Canada sighed. "Hi France. Why're you calling at 3:15 in the morning?..."

"Well, it's 9:15 in zhe morning here. And it's mon birzhday!! Yay!" Canada coughed quietly. "Oh!.. Yeah. Happy birthday. I can't come over today, sorry.. I've got work. Maybe this weekend, eh?... Au revoir big brother." At that, Canada hung up.

France huffed in annoyance. "Le poo!... Nobody wants to talk to moi. I will call Italy." The phone was picked up almost right away by Italy. "Ci? Who is this?"

"It's moi!!! Big brozher France! Why does everybody keep asking zhat?" He could practically hear Italy smile. "Oh! Buon compleanno, big brother!" France puffed out his chest. "Merci, Italy! Can you come over later? For wine and... Gifts?" Italy tsk tsked. "Sorry... I wish I a-could, but I promise Germany and Japan I would be making them a big pasta dish and then we'd play fútbol! They seem super excited!"

France sighed. "Oh... I see. Maybe I'll see you zhis weekend?" Italy giggled. "Of a-course!", he said, before hanging up.

"Ugh," France grumbled, pouring himself another glass of wine. "Well, I have two dates for zhis weekend... But nobody will see moi on mon anniversaire! I can't try Germany or Japan, and Romano doesn't like moi... Prussia and Spain are bozh on business... Oh! Angleterre!" He smiled widely, and dialed the Englishman's number.

"What do you want, frog? I'm trying to enjoy my tea and my breakfast."

France smiled widely at the grumpy voice on the other end. At least he knew who was calling him!! "It's mon anniversaire, Angleterre!! Hurray!" England snorted. "So?"

The Frenchman frowned, sipping on his wine. "So... It is a time for gifts and wine and parties! Would you like to come over?" England gave a small chuckle. "Big woop-de-doo. You turned another year older. I'm not coming over to congratulate you on being ancient." France gasped, nearly spilling his wine.

"Ancient! I am not!..." England sighed. "Listen, frog. I have things to do, and they do not involve you. Good bye, don't call back." France slowly pulled the phone away from his face; England had already hung up. "...I'm all alone!", he wailed suddenly, flinging himself to the ground dramatically, tears streaming down his face. He cried miserably on the ground for about ten minutes, before sitting back up, sniffling.

"Nobody likes moi..." He finished his glass of wine, and rubbed at it face, eyes puffy. Letting out a small whimper, he slowly trudged to his room and changed into his around-the-house clothes. If only he had somebody to share his drama with.

He curled up on the couch with another glass of wine and some cheese, resting his head in his hand. He watched the news for a while, smiling faintly as he saw the celebrations for Bastille Day. His day. He sighed and finished his glass, and finished off the cheese as well.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Francis gasped and jumped to his feet. "A visitor!", he squealed, racing to the door. He flung it open, to see... A package? He tilted his head and picked it up. It read: "To: stupid bloody frog. From: Britain."

France dashed over to his table and ripped open the box. "Please don't poison me or ruin mon hair or mon face..." He peered inside, and slowly began to smile. Inside of it was a bottle of French wine, some cheese, and a card. He took out the card, and read it.

"Dear French frog, Happy birthday. I know what I said on the phone... And yes, I sent this before you even called. I know you too well, wanker. I'm really busy during the day, but I was thinking maybe... Dinner tonight? Until then, enjoy your bloody wine and disgusting cheese. See you tonight, idiot."

  France smiled softly, staring at the card. No matter how hard the British nation tried to hate him, he just couldn't hate that Frenchman- because he was so fabulous!!

  "Ohonhonhon!", France laughed out loud at him, puffing out his chest. He pulled out the wine, opened it up, poured himself a glass, and went to go get ready for his date.

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((HAPPY BDAY MY SMOL PERV BBY!! Remember to vote, comment, and to follow!! Thanks!))