Sighs and Fire (Phan AU) (INCOMPLETE)

(1.17)

I woke up the next morning to the sound of Phil humming away, his voice and footsteps getting louder.

"Hey, are you going back to sleep? I made you breakfast." I opened my eyes and saw Phil standing next to the side of the bed, holding out a tray with a plate with pancakes laid out, decorated with sugar and a couple of strawberries on top, with a cup of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream. He climbed into bed next to me and kissed my cheek. "Good morning."

I sat up and winced, my muscles aching and Phil stifled a giggle. "I didn't realise how much I deserved this treatment until just now," I said, shooting a look at Phil who grinned sheepishly. "Talk about rough."

"Sorry." He said, reaching out to fix my hair. "But you did ask for me to be a bit more... Passionate."

I laughed and then cringed, picking up the hot chocolate and scooping the cream up with my finger. "Please never say that again." He giggled and I sighed as he cuddled up to me, taking a sip. "Although this is a pretty amazing hot chocolate so I guess that makes up for it."

"I made it just the way you like it," Phil mumbled. "Your phone's been ringing, by the way. I don't know who it is but they won't stop calling."

I shrugged. "It's probably my mum calling to say happy New Year. It can wait another hour."

"Hour?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to spend some time with you. It's not like I'm head-over-heels for you, or anything."

"Works for me," Phil relaxed into me and I felt the weight of his head on my shoulder and the way his hand was beginning to drift up my side. "I love how you look in the morning."

"You know, every time you say that you never have your glasses on." I pointed out through a mouthful of pancake.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah."

"Let me look at you now with my glasses on then," he reached over the bedside table for his glasses and put them on, turning to look at me. "You're right, turns out there's a reason I look at you without these on in the morning."

"Oh, shut up."

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Hey, look at me for a second."

"Are you going to bully me about my appearance again?"

"I promise not to bully you about your appearance ever again. Not like I ever did, though." I turned my head towards him and he had his phone pointed at me. "Smile! Oh my god- look at you, look at how good you look in the morning. Let's get a sickly cute one of us together." Phil announced before turning the front camera onto us. The photo he took was one of us squished up together, with me kissing his cheek and his smile being bigger than the world. It was the perfect show-off photo from a perfect couple. And that's what we were - the perfect couple.

I set my plate on the floor and leaned back into Phil and breathed in the scent of us - it smelled of sex and clean sheets and Phil's cologne that I loved so much. He was quiet next to me, sharing the photo of us with the online world. "I know moments like these should be kept private, but I love this photo and I want to show you off." Phil murmured, tapping away on his phone furiously. That made my heart flutter - sometimes I still found it impossible that anyone would be so proud of me being theirs that they wanted everyone to know.

I heard the distant sound of my buzzing against the floor of where I dropped it last night and my stomach churned. "I think I should get that." Unwrapping myself from Phil and going to the lounge, sitting on the sofa to look at my phone.

Mum (36)
Missed call

Mum (12)
iMessage

I swore under my breath and called her back, my heart pounding in my chest and my mind racing. I could hear Phil calling my name but before I could answer him I heard my mum crying down the phone.

"Dan?! Are you there?! Where are you?!"

"Mum, calm down, I'm fine, I'm at home with Phil-"

"Oh thank god, I thought the same thing happened to you-"

"Same thing? What? What's going on? Where are you?"

"I'm at the hospital, Dan. It's your brother, he took something at a party last night and they- he- he-" She took a sharp inhale and her voice croaked. "You have to come, right now, they- they don't think he's going to make it."

I feel the world stop. I feel my life begin to fall apart. I feel the blood pulsing in my ears and the air is so still it won't move into my lungs.

I sputter something out that I was on my way and hang up, my hands shaking as I begin to call the local number for a taxi. It takes longer than it should do to order one because my voice can't seem to get out the words and when it did, they stumbled. I don't notice Phil who's watching me from the door with his face looking drained and concerned and when I've put the phone down he rushes over, crouching in front of me and taking my hands.

"What do you need me to do?"

"The- the hospital-"

"Let's get dressed, come on, Dan, the taxi will be here soon."

He drags me into the room and he throws clothes at me which I pull on - or does he put them on for me? - and in a blur we're suddenly outside. Phil's clammy hands are clutching onto mine so tightly it hurts, but it's the only thing I can feel until the shock begins to subside.

And then after a blink we're in the taxi that I didn't see or hear turn up and I'm not sure if I've been breathing and my chest hurts and my head is spinning.

"Joseph." I say in the silence. "Joseph."

"He's going to be okay, Dan."

"They said he's not going to make it." That sounds like my voice but I can't feel my lips moving and Phil doesn't say anymore. Or maybe he does but I just can't hear him. It's a 15 minute ride to the hospital and when the taxi stops I throw open the door and stumble out, trying to find my way through all these people who seem to be moving too fast.

I don't know where I'm going.

Where's my brother?

"Dan," it's Phil, who takes my hand again and he's on the phone, leading me somewhere. Breathing in the disinfectant of the hospital makes it just that bit more real - and I'm beginning to come to terms with this reality and not all the memories I've got playing in my head. Everything's shiny and I can start to feel the floor underneath my feet. Phil's muttering under his breath. His voice is hushed and quick. He's panicking. I can't do anything to help. "We're here."

Here? With my brother? Where is he?

And then I see our mum - a shade of pink looking as dazed as I feel and her expression doesn't change when she runs over to us. It turns even more screwed up and it's raining on her face. She says speaks for what feels like an hour but all I hear is 'legal high', 'organ failure' and 'fatal'.

Fatal.