Draco Malfoy's Worst Fear

Lupin Meeting

"Draco, come one, Snape is probably your best chance for help. You are clearly in pain, it may not be noticeable to anyone else, but we can tell. You are purposely depriving yourself of sleep, and food." Blaise said.
"Guys, I am fine."
"No, you are not!" Gregory said firmly.
"You are going to eat something today, if we have to drag you down ourselves!" Blaise said, and Draco couldn't help it, he laughed. It still had pain and hurt in it, but no hollowness or bitterness. 

At lunch Draco quickly ran to Lupin's office. He leaned against the wall, exerted from his lack of sleep and run there. 
"Hello, Mister Malfoy!" Lupin said happily, but Draco tensed. He ground his teeth.
"Please, do not call me that!" Draco said irritated. Lupin furrowed his eyebrows, but nodded nonetheless. It reminded Draco too much of how Voldermort had said his name sometimes. 
"Well, come on in," Lupin gave Draco a sweeping gesture to show him it was okay to come in the office.
Draco walked in, but did not sit down. His hands rested heavily on the back of the armchair. Lupin looked at him with a curious expression. Draco's eyes were glassed over. He was tense. 
"Hay, Draco Malfoy!" Lupin said, grabbing his shoulder, Draco ducked under it, before glaring at him. "Sorry, why don't you sit down." Draco's eyes widened.
"Really?" He asked, afraid it was some trick.
"Yes, really, sit down." Lupin said, and the teacher noticed something close to thankfulness flash in his eyes, before it disappeared.
"Thank you," He said, and Draco sat down, completely exhausted. 
"Draco, how much sleep have you been getting?" Lupin asked. 
"I-I don't know. Never more than three hours. But, I am used to it." Draco said, shrugging his shoulders, as if it was nothing.
"What do you mean you are 'used to it'?" Lupin asked. Draco's jaw clenched. It was obvious he did not want to talk about it. 
"When the Dark Lord was alive, he practically lived in the house. I could barely sleep before, but since sixth year I've gotten accustomed to the feeling of not having much sleep. When the Dark Lord is in your house constantly and you have no idea when he might want to speak with you, or what he might want, or if your going to get punished for something you may or may not have done, than you tend to be unable to get any sleep at all, even of the least degree." Draco said. Lupin looked at him sadly. 
"How did you learn that shielding spell? And how to cast it nonverbally?" Draco tensed automatically. 
"Aunt Bella, you know her as Bellatrix." Draco took a deep shuddering breath. "The Dark Lord wanted me to learn how to cast nonverbal spells, so Aunt Bella...she told me the cantation, and I practiced it until I could do it profficiently, than she would fire curses at me until I managed to protect myself by casting it nonverbally. Unfortunetly, the shield doesn't work against the Cruciatus curse." Draco said darkly. 
"I see,"
"I didn't mean to do it, much less nonverbally, it just happened. I panicked, it reminded me of...something." Draco said, clearly not wanting to go forward with this conversation. "More like I reacted out of instinct rather than clear-cut thinking."
"I know how that can feel." Draco nodded slowly at Lupin's words. "I heard that you managed to defeat miss Granger in potions." 
"Yes, I did," Draco said, not one sound of pride in his voice.
"Now, how did that happen? Miss Granger is the brightest witch of her age, and certainly the student with the highest scores in everything."
"Look, Professor, I had standards that I was forced to live by, things that I was forced to do, actions I was forced to take while I was here. I had the image my father made here, that he forced me to keep up, so forgive me if I did not exactly have as much time as Granger to put into studies. Now, I may still have a certain image that my father desires me to keep and maintain but it is not as time-consuming. So now I have more time to adapt to my studies. I am actually quite capable of many things, and am very smart. I think you will soon figure that out for yourself." Draco said standing. "Are we done, here?"
"I guess, but Malfoy," Draco sighed. 
"What?" He asked, exhaustion lacing his voice now. 
"Try to get some sleep." Draco laughed a high cold laugh.
"Forgive me, Professor, but sleep is not something I wish to succumb to." Draco said. Lupin looked at him sadly.
"Alright, you may leave." Draco inclined his head to the professor, before quickly leaving the office.