My Schism

17

Justin's POV ;

We need to get out of here. I cant take it any longer. I want to get out of bed and do something. I want to leave and be free, but I don't want to wake Annalyn up. Shes been sleeping in my arms since yesterday and I dont think I've ever felt so content in my life. I own the world. I thought I was happy. I had the biggest fan Base in the world and millions If not billions of dollars. But I was never content. I always wanted more. With Annalyn, I dont want anything. Seeing her is just enough. I would do anything to make her smile.

God, I love her smile

"Goodmorning" Annalyn whispers with a small smile on her face

"Goodmorning Anna" I smile

"We need a plan.We can't risk your life again" she says

"So you care about my life?" I ask sheepishly. Of course she does, otherwise she wouldn't have cried yesterday, but I still want to hear her say it

"What happened when you left?" She asks, trying to change the subject

I sigh " They sedated me and I woke up three days later.But I heard some of the guys talking about their PHD " Annalyn snorts

"What kind of criminals are they?" She whispers

Annalyn jumps out of bed and heads straight to the bathroom, I sit besides my tray,waiting for her, like I do everyday. I scan her tray and notice that they only gave her one pill.What are they doing?

She's been differently lately. She shows more emotions. She actually has emotions now,though she tries to hide it.

Niall and Alice are sleeping peacefully besides each other. Niall is resting his head on Alice 's chest and both their legs are tangled together. They look so relaxed, it makes me smile.

Annalyn sits besides me with a loud thud.

"How are you feeling today?"  I ask her softly

She snorts " I am the one who should be asking you this question " she smiles

"Im okay If you're okay"  I whisper

I'm so corny

Annalyn bites her lips and starts eating her food silently

Annalyn POV ;

I'm in pain. I need a hug,but I'm too proud to ask for one.Emotions are what makes us vulnerable. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to be in pain.I don't want to feel anything. I want to be okay.I know I was never okay...there was always something wrong with me.The pain, it won't go away.

What is wrong with me?

The pain is unbearable. I need my antidepressants. Why didnt they provide me with my pills? 

Justin is staring at me

"Stop looking at me" I snap

"Sorry"  he whispers

I hug my knees and close my eyes. The pain. The excruciating pain.

"Ended up on a cross Road" Justin starts singing slowly "Try to figure out which way to go It's like you're stuck on a treadmill Running in the same place You got your hazard lights on now hoping that somebody would slow down" he scoots closer to me and rests his head on my shoulder "Praying for a miracle Who'll show you grace? Had a couple dollars and a quarter tank of gas With a long journey ahead Seen a truck pull over
God sent an angel to help you out he gave you direction Showed you how to read a map For that long journey ahead"  he takes my hand in his and squeezes it gently " Said it ain't never over Oh, even in the midst of doubt Life is worth living, ou ou ou ou
Life is worth living, so live another day The meaning of forgiveness
People make mistakes, doesn't mean you have to give in Life is worth living again " he kisses my hand. My skin tingles under his touch " You will be okay Beautiful Anna " he whispers

And that's all it takes..

I break down.

The pain is killing me.I try scratching my arms to ease the emotional pain im feeling, but I barely feel my arms. I put my hand in my hair and pull on my roots. I cant take it. Nothing can ease the laceration in my chest from aching. I scream until I lose my voice. I don't understand.

What is wrong with me?

I am scared.I am oblivious to what the future holds. I feel so alone and scared. The pain in my heart doesn't cease and neither do my loud sobs.

I can't think straight.

I need reassurance.

I crawl slowly over Justin's lap and burry my face in his chest. I fist his shirt in my hand, too scared to let go.He wraps his arms around me and whispers sweet nothings in my ear.

"Promise me you'll never leave"  I sob,my voice muffled by his shirt

"Never"  he whispers and kissed my  knuckles

I sob even harder

I don't believe him

"Please don't go" I whisper

Justin sighs "even if I want to go, I won't be able to babygirl" 

"Why?" I sniffle

"Because I love you"