The Smell After It Rains

17.

"Morning James", mum said as I darted into the kitchen. She was kneading some kind of dough under her hands, flour covering her apron and nose. "You're looking very... Awake considering how late you were out last night. Did you have a nice time?"
"Yeah it was good thanks", I said, quickly grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl and taking a massive bite, my headache having finally reduced to a dull thrum in the back of my skull. "I'm meeting Claire in a minute, I'll see you later." I began towards kitchen door, still chewing the overly large chunk of apple.
"Wait, James!", mum called as I reached the hallway. "You've been with Claire every waking moment since you've got home!"
"I haven't seen her for ages mum, we're just catching up", I said, swallowing the huge mouthful.
"But I've barely seen you! I thought the point of you coming home was to spend some time as a family!" Her voice was laced with sadness, and I felt a different type of guilt in my gut.
"I'm sorry mum", I said, knowing that she wanted me to cancel and despite hating myself for it, knowing that however bad I might feel right now, I wouldn't give up seeing Claire. "Look, Anna will be here tomorrow, and then we'll be able to spend more time together. I promise"
I saw her face fall slightly, although she tried her best to hide it. I felt awful. She took a breath, and smiled at me, but I could tell it was forced. I so badly wanted to rush over to her and tell her I'd cancel my plans, and if it had been anyone but Claire, I would have. But I couldn't. Something was stopping me.
"Don't be back too late. I'm making a lasagne", she said, faking a smile.
"I'll see you later", I said, turning away and down the corridor before I could feel any worse.

"You're looking very alive", Claire said, sounding surprised as she opened to door to me. I couldn't help but laugh.
"You know you're the second person to say that today", I said, grinning.
She was dressed in a loose, strappy black top, with a pair of denim shorts showing off her long legs. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, escaped strands dancing in the gentle breeze, framing her face.
She looked fairly normal, and if it weren't for the bags under her eyes and the slightly vacant expression, no one would have known she was out last night.
"And you look very... Not so alive", I said, choosing my words wisely.
Luckily she burst out laughing, her eyes sparkling, making her look slightly more awake.
"You know you're also the second person to say that today. Although the first wasn't as polite as that. Something along the lines of 'what the hell were you doing last night? You're a mess!'"
"Your mum said that?", I said, slightly shocked. Elaine didn't strike me as the mean type.
"I think she was joking but it's hard to tell with her", Claire smiled. "Give me some time to wake up and I'll be better. So, where are you taking me today Jamie?"
"Well, I was thinking we could grab a train to the nearest town and spend some time there. Where was it again that did those milkshakes you were obsessed with?"
"Ahh, you're talking about creamy's", she said. "I swear we only went there together once or twice? I normally went with my parents. How do you remember that?"
"The grin on your face when they brought out the giant sharing version with four straws is a bit hard to forget", I smiled. "And if I remember rightly, you ended up getting it all in your hair and on your face"
"Your memory is almost scary", she said, her mouth open slightly in surprise. "We couldn't have been more than what, 8? 9?"
"Something like that", I said. "Hey I was thinking, you should bring your sketchbook. I really want to see you in action if you don't mind? There's a huge park there, I was thinking we could have a picnic?"
"And they said romance is dead", Claire said, grinning. Her words made my heart race slightly, and I felt my cheeks flush slightly. Luckily she had turned away from me before she could see. "I'll go and get my things, do come in"
She disappeared down the hallway and up the stairs as I gently shut the door behind me.
"Morning James", I heard from over my shoulder. I turned to see Elaine step out of the living room, her greying dark hair obscuring her face slightly.
"Hello Mrs Davidson", I said politely, still inclined to call her that, after all these years.
"Do call me Elaine", she smiled, before her face fell into a blank, almost slightly concerned expression. "James, I wanted to talk to you. About you, and Claire." She hesitated over her daughters name, as if there was something wrong with it.
"Yes?", I asked, unexplained anxiety bubbling inside of me.
She stepped back into the living room and took a seat, motioning for me to join her.
The room was quite dark, the sun shining through the back of the house at this time of day. The dark red sofas looked fairly new, not the worn brown ones that they'd had when we were younger. Papers were strewn all over the floor, she had clearly been sorting some things out.
I sat down on the empty sofa, looking at Elaine expectantly. I had no idea what she wanted to tell me, but it didn't sound good, and that scared me.
There was a pause, as she appeared to be deciding what to say. The silence was almost unbearable.
"Claire is... a difficult woman at times James", she started. I had no idea where she was going with this. "She's been through an awful lot, more than anyone should have to. We all have."
I said nothing. I had nothing to say.
"And I just wanted to warn you, that if you are committed to her, you need to be careful-"
Her words caught me off guard, and for a second I panicked that Claire had told her everything. I felt my face redden.
"I- we aren't-"
Elaine let out a small laugh, her voice slightly croaky.
"Before you say it, don't worry, Claire hasn't told me anything" Relief flooded through me. "But it isn't hard to see how she feels. I haven't seen her so happy since... well since before John died." Elaine's face fell slightly, sadness washing over her features. "I just want you to know that she is... fragile. And she can be a bit of a handful. That much hasn't changed actually. I just want you to know that Claire isn't the same person she was seven years ago. So much has changed for her"
"I-"
"But the point is, please be careful James. For both of your expenses. I don't want to see either of your hurt."
I didn't know how to tell her that I wasn't in a relationship with Claire, and I knew that there was no way I could mention Anna.
"I- I don't think you need to worry Mrs D"
"Elaine", she said sadly.
There was a pause, and the looming silence appeared again. It lay over us like an ice cold blanket, blocking the world out.
"Why did you move back here?", I said on impulse, my voice just a whisper, but one that seemed to fill the air, infinitely too loud. I instantly regretted it, worried I'd offend her.
She sighed, her frame drooping.
"Apart from being fed up of renting to hooligans, I didn't want to let this house go. I guess I eventually realised that staying away from here didn't make me miss him any less. In fact, being parted from the home he loved only made it worse-" her voice cracked, and a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Hey, Jamie I-" Claire appeared in the doorway, her voice chirpy until she laid eyes on her mother, and her words stopped. "What's going on?" Confusion swept across her face as she frowned, clutching her rucksack closer to her chest.
"It's- it's nothing", Elaine said, standing up and wiping the tears away from her cheeks. "I'm going to make a cup of tea." She put a smile on her face, and headed out of the room, squeezing Claire's arm as she left.
"What was that about?", Claire asked me, once Elaine was safely out of earshot.
"We were just talking. Don't worry", I said, standing up and walking towards her. "Shall we go?"
"Sure", she said, sounding skeptical. After giving me a suspecting look, she turned away and headed out of the door, swinging her bag onto her back.