The Smell After It Rains

20.

"Thank you for today. I've really had fun", Claire smiled as we arrived back at our houses. We were stood by the front gates, my yellow door seemingly glowing in the fading daylight, standing out from the rest of the street.
She leaned up and kissed me gently, short and sweet, just enough to spark one hundred emotions in my stomach before she pulled away with a smile on her face.
"Hey, do you want to come in?", I said as she began to turn away. I knew that today was going to be the last time I'd see her alone, and I wanted to make the most of it. "I'm sure Mum would love to see you", I said quickly. "Also she made cake earlier"
"Well if there's cake involved then how could I say no?", she said with a grin. "I swear your mum seems to make a different type of baked good every day of the week"
"She's always been like that. You remember right?", I said, my heart fluttering with the idea of spending more time with Claire.
"How could I forget", she laughed as we made our way through the bright yellow door and into my home.

"Claire!", Mum exclaimed as we walked into the kitchen. She seemed to drop what she was doing instantly and rush over towards us, pulling Claire into a hug so tight that there was no way she could possibly be able to breathe.
"Hello", Claire puffed, her face going slightly red.
I laughed out loud, which seemed to be enough to cause Mum to let go of her.
"James, you didn't tell me you were bringing Claire back", she said, turning towards me.
"I thought it would be nice for her to come over. Like old times", I said, hoping Mum would let her stay and not make it awkward.
"I can go-", Claire started, but Mum cut across her.
"Don't be silly!", she exclaimed, patting Claire's arm. "I just wish you could have given me some warning! The kitchen is a bit of a mess I'm afraid"
"It looks lovely", Claire smiled as mum lead her over to a chair. "Just how I remember it"
"You are too kind", Mum laughed, heading back towards the oven where something was cooking. "So are you at university Claire?"
"Yeah, I'm studying biology in Edinburgh", she said lightly as I sat down in the wooden chair next to her.
"Edinburgh?!", Mum said, surprised. "Wow, that's... a long way away"
"I know, but Scotland is a lovely place, and it's a great uni", Claire said, clearly unfazed by Mum's reaction. I guess she must have heard it a lot, people asking why she chose to go so far away. It made sense to me, but only because she explained the real reason why. That made everything different.
"I'm sure it is", Mum laughed. "So tell me, what's Edinburgh like? I've always wanted to go. Are there lots of sheep?"
Claire began to laugh, a smile lighting up her beautiful face. "It's really nice actually, although very cold. And yes there are sheep but not in the city"
"Well you two had better stay friends now so I'll have an excuse to come and visit", Mum said, her back turned, stirring something on the stove.
My stomach flipped, mainly because mum had said friends, reminding me of the fact that that is all that we should be. Mum would be so disappointed in me if she knew.
Claire's smile seemed to falter too, although I guessed that was down to the idea of staying friends. Because that is not what she did last time. Part of me desperately hoped that this time would be different, but I knew I couldn't count on it, especially seeing as Anna was going to be here tomorrow, and I still hadn't told Claire that she existed yet.
"That sounds lovely", Claire said, but I could here the slight lack of enthusiasm in her voice. The sound of the front door clicking shut cut off the conversation, causing silence to fall over the room, the only noise the loud, uneven clunk of footsteps in the corridor.
"I'm home!", Dad's voice boomed through the house.
"Hi honey!", mum called in reply, but she sounded nervous. It took me a moment to realise why.
I looked over at Claire, who had a confused expression on her face. I guess she'd registered the change of tone in Mum's voice too, but unlike me, didn't have any idea about what was about to happen next.
"My therapist said I'm making huge progress!", Dad shouted from outside the room. I assumed he was taking off his shoes.
"That's brilliant!", Mum replied. "James has a friend over", she said, clearly trying to warn him of Claire's presence, but he was already making his way down the corridor towards us.
"Who is it-", Dad started as he entered the room, but his words stopped as soon as his eyes fell upon Claire.
I watched as the smile fell from his lips faster than a rock thrown into an endless abyss, his whole face dropping and his eyes filling with what seemed to be a mix of sadness, fear and confusion. The whole room seemed to go still, no one moved, no one spoke, as if time had ground to a halt.
"Claire?", he whispered, his eyes fixed on her, unmoving. I was surprised that he instantly knew who she was, let alone remembered her name.
I looked over at her, expecting to see her looking terrified, but I was surprised to see that the only emotion I could make out was sadness, plastered over her face.
"You- you look just like him", Dad said, his voice quiet and trembling. I'd never seen him like this before in my life. He'd always been a strong character, even in his worst moments he was mainly only ever angry. After the accident he cried a lot, but I'd never seen him look as desperately sad as he did right now. I could practically see the memories pass through his mind, the fiery explosion behind his eyes, the screams erupting in his ears.
"Hello Mr Jeffery", Claire said quietly, her voice small.
It was then that I watched my dad break right before my eyes. His legs seemed to give way beneath him as he grasped hold of the wall behind him, before sinking into the floor, his gaze not falling from Claire's face once. A waterfall of tears spilled out of his eyes, and I saw his body begin to tremble. A noise escaped his throat that seemed to resemble a tortured animal, like he was being strangled slowly.
Then time seemed to continue all at once, as mum ran over to him clutching his arm and stroking his head. I jumped out of my seat and took Claire's arm, pulling her up with me. She looked so scared, like she was about to cry, and I had to stand in front of dad to get her to tear her eyes off of the wreck that was my family.
"Come on", I said, placing my hand on her waist and guiding her towards the garden, my parents blocking the door to the rest of the house, Dad's cries filling the air. It reminded me too much of the time Dad had his first episode after he came home. He hit Mum, and afterwards seemed to collapse into a heap on the floor, crying his eyes out. Mum had to scream at me to get me to leave the room, I was so scared. My father had always been the strongest person I'd ever met. Seeing him in so much pain hurt me.
Something changed that day. I realised I would have to be the strong one now.
Pulling Claire out of the glass doors, I tugged it shut behind me and guided her into the garden and away from Dad.
I kept leading her further and further across the grass until we reached the bushes, but it didn't feel far enough away from the house, so we kept going, through the small pathway until we reached the clearing, the two logs still sat as they had been for years.
"Jamie I-", Claire managed to choke before the tears spilled out of her own eyes and down her cheeks.
She stumbled forwards into my chest, and I quickly wrapped my arms around her and held her against me as she cried.
Her whole body trembled in my grip, her frame shaking. I held her tight, as if by holding her I could shield her from what she'd just seen, hide her from the mess that was my life now, but it was too late. I knew that.
We stood like that for a while, I wasn't sure how long, but neither of us moved until my legs began to ache and her sobs began to die down.
Eventually she looked up at me and began to move out of my grip, her cheeks red and eyes puffy. I let go of her, resting my hands on her arms like I was afraid that if I let go she would collapse in front of me. I found it strange how many times I'd seen her cry in the last couple of days. She'd always been such a strong character, fazed by nothing. I guess maybe Mum and Elaine were right. She wasn't the same person she used to be.