My stomach growled angrily gnawing. Tearing at me, screaming for food. I sat up in bed, the aroma of coffee and bacon filled my nose urging me to get up. I could hear Tori in the kitchen humming to dangerous woman, I smiled she's so perfect. I got up from the surprisingly comfy couch, and stretched while yawning. After stretching a little I collapsed back onto the couch yawning, I've never slept so good. "Scooter? Are you awake?" I figured she must have heard the thump from when I fell back onto the couch, She walked into the living room blushing a little, trying to only stare at my face. I had only boxers on, I smiled looking down at my boxers "I'm awake." I said quietly, half asleep. She nodded, " I see that..." She kinda giggled a little, "how did you sleep?" She asked sweetly. "I slept wonderful, but I missed you beside me." The words flowed out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying. She smiled, "I couldn't sleep." She said it quietly almost sadly. I pinched my brows, "why?" I asked. "I'm not sure.... But breakfast is ready!" She tried changing the subject quickly, I jumped up quickly as she was walking off, I walked towards her, "what's wrong?" I asked her. "Nothing, I'm okay. Just tired....I'm hungry please come eat with me!" I nodded, "there's something wrong. Is it me? Did I make you sad?" She looked at the ground, "no. Of course not.... It's just.... I'm worried about you." I grabbed her hand, "don't worry about me Tori, I'm fine. Now let's eat." I lied, trying to make her feel better. She nodded, still gripping my hand she led me to the table. Where two plates full of bacon, eggs and pancakes sat, by a steaming cup of coffee. I smiled at the sight of food. I was going to starve myself for a few more days, but she would never let me. So I sat down quickly, and she made her way around me and sat down also. And we ate, and talked and drank our coffees together. I love her with all my heart. I swallowed my last gulp of coffee and thanked her for breakfast, moving my thoughts to a hot shower. I got up and put my dishes in the sink and rinsed them off a little, kissing her on the head while leaving the kitchen. Into the bathroom I ventured, I took off my boxers staring at my pale scarred legs, quickly getting into the shower. Letting the steaming hot water cover every inch of my body. It stung my cuts, but I didn't care. I imagined cutting more, cutting deeper then filling the bath with water and drown myself. I thought of all the ways I could end it, end this horrible nightmare of a life. I shampooed, still thinking of my death. Thinking of how much, how much I wanted it. I found myself tearing away at my scabs, I needed to feel pain needed to have some kind of relief. Not here, I thought while washing the blood off and into the drain. I wish I could cut again. Sometimes I take pills too, sometimes it makes me feel even worse. Depends on how many I take. I finished shampooing and then washed my body quickly. Feeling the rush of pain still lingering in my arm. It felt good...no great. It felt great. I made my way out of the shower slowly making sure not to trip. I cautiously stepped out onto the cold floor, it made my feet tingle a little, I dried off, watching as some blood seeped from my now open wounds. I dried it off and held the towel there for a few seconds trying to stop the bleeding. After I thought it was gone I finished getting dressed. Somehow I was extremely anxious, scared. Scared of the truth, the big fat ugly truth.
