Stolen innocence

He told me Id like it. That if I didn't struggle to much it would be something Id thank him for. Now I heard girls talking about how the first time hurt... But I didn't know that meant your head being banged against the wall whilst your hairs being pulled and his friends are taking turns. I didn't know they meant it left a scar. And I don't mean the ones on my body. I mean the ones in my head that even though I scrubbed them so hard they won't clean. Even now. They will not become clean. It comes to the point where i feel so low even Satan lives above me. My purity was stolen from me. My innocence stolen whilst the old me was murdered with the killer showing no mercy. Yet the only weapon he used was the love he claimed he had for me. He didn't love me. Who's ever gonna love me now? "A dirty slut who asked for it" Is what he told everyone.

Days became lonely after that. I dropped out of the football team because training was on a Wednesday and so was counselling. My friends drifted away. Or maybe i pushed them away. They must have been bored of hearing the sound of my voicemail every time they called.  Mom never spoke to me the same. She was always on eadge like she was scared she might say a word that she would then find out
Is my trigger word. Dad ... Well.... He can't even look at me. Our family was falling apart all because of me. I shouldn't have gone. Why did I go?

He kept touching me. Whispering in my ear "you're gonna love it." After my third drink i began to feel disorientated. I then collapsed onto
The floor the room was spinning. I blacked out. When I woke next i wished I hadn't. I was tied to a metal posted bed that had nothing but a bare matress. The only piece of clothing I had on was the rope that i was tied with. I just... I couldn't... " please, no stop!" The more I screamed and pleaded the more they seamed
To like it and buzz off it. They'd laugh and giggle as though I told them I liked it. So I stopped. I laid my head down. I didn't make a sound. I just laid waiting for it to be over. Then when it was i went home. Like a normal night.

I got home and ran to my shower as though my life depended on it. I ran in and slammed the door shut and twisted the lock. The noise of the cupboards must have woken my mum and dad because they were banging on the door using Every ounce of their energy to get in. I clutched onto the box of Co codamel drowning in my own tears. I kept screaming "why". Id become so involved in my own head Id completely left reality behind. All I could see was my vulnerable self laid on that matress. That God dam fucking matress. I stared at my self in the mirror with anger and disgust. " you stupid fucking idiot!! You fucking idiot! You let them do it... You let them." I was wailing now uncontrollably. I grabbed the tablets and popped them out 1 by 1. I ate 1 after the other like they were tic tacs. The room span as it had earlier that night only this time I woke in a hospital bed that was surrounded by concerned faces.

My body was stiff. Every little movement hurt. Even breathing. My arms were covered in bruises. My wrists painted with rope burns. There was no hiding this.