Star Wars Rebel Ezra Shan with Anakin Skywalker

Chapter 6

It just an Leia and Ezra Moment

Leia Had a vision or nightmare if Ezra was still with the crew

She saw Ezra as young and wonder what going on

Ezra had grabbed his safety blanket from his room, his cure all, his drug that he had been relying on for the last month and a half. It was the only thing that he had that made the pain and the mistakes disappear for a small amount of time.

Leia began to feel worry even if it a dream that her boyfriend in Danger

The teen reached the fresher, going in, letting the door shut behind him. It was better here. Easier cleaning up and he could hide the evidence better. If the others knew, they would just say he was a coward for not going all the way. They would be mad. Ezra had been a coward, he was too scared of dying, of losing his family.

Today was different. Ezra was going to show them he could complete a mission perfectly with no mistakes. He had waited for the day that he would be alone for a week now. In that time, he had convinced himself that he didn't have a family; the others didn't care about him. Maybe they would if he wasn't such a screw up.

He left no note, they wouldn't care. The others would be glad to be rid of him. Kanan wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. No more disappointments or failed missions. Everyone would be glad he was gone. No one would miss him. His parents were gone. He was alone in this world and always would be.

Ezra removed the top half of his jump suit down to his waist. He looked in the mirror at his body. It was littered in red cuts of varying shapes and sizes as well as different depths and ages. Some were infected from lack of care while others he took vigilant care of when he felt the need to. It had become a routine after every mission, after every mistake and flaw his mind discovered. Each time, the padawan would stare in the mirror at himself as a reminder of how worthless he was.

Ezra knew each series of self-inflicted wounds by their reasoning. The ones on his shoulder were because he forgot to put his blaster on safety; two under his ribcage was from forgetting to adjust the height of his lightsaber. The youth knew there were more inflictions that couldn't be seen, hidden under the remaining clothing, they didn't matter this time.

He unconsciously allowed the razor to travel where it wanted. Where ever he needed it most to release the agonizing pain inside. He could go deeper on his thighs than his arms and even deeper on his stomach. He looked away from the mirror at all his "failed" attempts of making his team mates happy, of making his master proud of him.

Ezra would weigh how bad of a mistake he had made and slice into his skin accordingly. As time progressed, the cuts continued to become deeper each session he had. As time progressed, his mind continued to believe that each error was worse than the last. This ritual had been going on since that first night after Kanan yelled at him.

Leia Gasped

He turned the water on not caring that it was scalding hot. It wouldn't matter soon anyway. Just another thing to make Hera glad that he was gone; no more water being wasted on a worthless creation. The boy sat down, still half clothed, in the shower stall. He leaned against the wall looking at his right arm. It was the limb that had taken the worst abuse. His long sleeves covered everything, so no one knew, not even his force sensitive master. Unless Kanan did know, and didn't bother with him. The teen had convinced himself that no one would care even if they did see.

Leia begin to yell "No Ezra Don't do it."

He started out slow, drawing out his secret directive. When the others got back it would be complete and everyone could be happy. Ezra made small, shallow marks on his left arm, slowly making his way down before continuing on the right. The burning made the rest of his pain disappear. It eased his mind. All the thoughts and mistakes continued fading into the physical pain. It made him numb to everything.

He watched as his arms turned red as blood trickled delicately from the fresh marks. When the burning water hit, it would cause the crimson fluid to splash slightly, leaving little red splatters on the wall before running down the drain. Art; art that was only appreciated by the artist.

Ezra felt a tear slip from left eye, falling and mixing with the red. He ignored the rest that followed and slowly fell. It was weakness. Kanan hated weakness. His master hated him, he was too weak to be a Jedi. The padawan stared at the razor in his hand. It had been his only friend, comforting him and accepting him despite all his flaws. It would help him finally complete a perfect mission. Kanan would finally be proud.

Leia watches as she couldn't do anything

As the razor slid across his wrist, Ezra made sure to add pressure. It didn't hurt, it was too deep. He felt the pressure and release. Through the force he could almost feel every cell and tissue what was severed. The blood was pooling fast; Ezra watched as it gracefully seeped from the wound and mixed with the water swirling and spinning until it got sucked down the drain disappearing from view forever.

" EZRA NOOOOOOOOOOOOO." Leia screamed in Fear and she was painting only realizing it was just a dream

Leia heard footstep from her Father ship and Ezra walked in His Lightsaber ready to kill those to harm his girlfriend

" Leia What wrong." Ezra asked he saw Leia jumped out of bed and rushed at him hugging him while crying

" Don't leave me." Leia said sobbing

Ezra Kissed her

" Tell me what did you see." Ezra said

" You were cutting yourself feeling unworthy I saw it Ezra your drug." Leia said

" Leia dear don't worry I promise that I won't leave you ever. If I do then I would have a great reason cause your one of my important thing in the world to me." Ezra said

" Can you stay with me Tonight Ezra." Leia asked kissing her boyfriend

"Of course." Ezra said as he let Leia snuggled to him and once she fell asleep he to feel asleep neither them saw Anakin smiling at the scene

" Ezra Thank you for calming my daughter I am surprised She didn't even jump and ran out to find but even then Ezra is on the ship with Leia." Anakin thought as he left