A New Chapter

Despair

You weren't sure how long you stayed there, on the dead grass, sobbing your heart into Dean's chest. Time didn't seem to matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was the fact that your daughter was gone, and it was all your fault.

"Y/N, we need to go." Dean told you, and you clutched tighter to him. 

"No!" You exclaimed. "I can't leave my baby."

"She's not here! We need to regroup so we can get her back." Dean tried reasoning with you, but you couldn't listen to reasoning. You were too lost in sorrow for that.

"It's all my fault." You kept repeating over and over, so lost in your own despair that you didn't notice the sadness and guilt in Dean's eyes. You felt him tug you, pulling you back from the front of the pool house. And that's when you lost it. "No!" You screamed, yanking yourself out of his arms, rushing back to the spot you had last seen your baby. Dropping to your knees, you sobbed into your hands.

You didn't hear the footsteps behind you, or the hushed voices, but once again Dean wrapped his arms around you. "Y/N, I know you're hurting. But know this. I will not rest until we have our baby girl safe with us once again. I promise that."

Before you could answer, Crowley moved in front of you, blocking your view of the playhouse. "I'm sorry for this darling." He said, before pressing his hand to your temple. You didn't even have time to argue before blackness overtook you.

__________________________________________

You came to with a start, your heart pounding, your arms feeling empty, and your chest heavy and full, your shirt wet with your leaking milk. It took only a moment for you to remember what had happened, and you covered your mouth with a gasp. "You're awake!" Dean exclaimed from his chair next to the bed. "I wasn't sure how long that bastard Crowley knocked you out for."

"How long have I been out?" You whispered, grimacing at the full feeling in your breast. It was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. 

"About 24 hours. Enough time for us to get you back here." He explained, as Sam and Cas walked into the room. 

"And my baby?" You asked, watching as frowns settled on all of their faces. "She's out there, all by herself, isn't she?"

"Y/N, we will get her back, I promise..." Dean started, but you snapped at him. 

"Enough with your promises! She's gone, and it's all my fault. My baby's gone." You sobbed, as Cas came closer to you, his eyes squinted as he inspected you.

"Dean, Sam, give me a minute with Y/N please." He said, earning confused glances from the brothers. "I have a delicate question I need to ask Y/N, and I suspect she would rather not have you here for it."

Dean grumbled a little bit, but Sam was able to drag him away. As soon as they were gone, your blank and sorrow filled eyes turned his way. With your baby gone, you felt empty, and useless. "What?" You asked tiredly.

"This is hard to talk about. But how do you feel? You gave birth only 2 days ago, and with no medical assistance." He questioned you.

 "Sore, but not too bad. But my chest. I think it's overfull of milk." You admitted.

He nodded. "I could see that. And it will keep getting worse without your daughter here. We could use that contraption I've heard about, but that could be hard while we work on getting her back. If I might?" He asked, and you shrugged. You didn't care what he did, as long as it helped you in your quest to get Mary back.

He placed his hand against your upper chest, and you were grateful he had Dean leave the room. Otherwise he would be punching Cas right about now. But as his hand touched you, you felt a warmth spread through you, healing your exhausted body, and making the pressure in your chest vanish. "There, that will stop the production of milk until you are reunited with your daughter."

"Thank you Cas." You said, feeling better. 

"It's the least I could do. Since I could no help rescue your daughter." He said as Sam and Dean came back into the room.

"About that. Since Crowley knows who we are dealing with, he gave us a summoning ritual. It won't bring your daughter back, but it might give us Astaroth. We can bargain. His freedom for our daughter." Dean said.

"Well, let's do it." You said, moving to climb off of the bed, but Dean placed a hand on you, stopping you.

"We will. But not right now. Crowley's out gathering ingredients, so all we can do now is wait." He explained, his jaw clenching at your disappointed look. 

Sighing heavily, you turned away from him, effectively shutting yourself off from him and the rest. "Well let me know when it's ready." You said dejectedly.

You heard some shuffling before the door closed. Thinking you were alone, you turned onto your back, only to see his green eyes staring down at you in concern. He sat down heavily on the bed next to you, his shoulders slumped. "You know it's not just your fault. I couldn't protect you at the hospital, and I didn't rescue you fast enough." He said quietly, and you turned to look at him. "How can I even think I'm going to be a good dad when I couldn't even protect the two of you?"

"Dean..." You started. "You can't blame yourself. You didn't know the nurse was a Demon. And you got there as fast as you could. Don't blame yourself."

He turned his green eyes on you then. "Well then, you can't blame yourself either. You fought hard to keep yourself and your baby safe. You did the only thing you could think of, to try and fight. It wasn't your fault."

You sighed. "But I knew that might happen. I should have let him taken me instead. She's just a newborn. How can she protect herself from the likes of him? I never thought I'd be able to have children. Maybe it would have been better if it had stayed that way." You said, your eyes filling with tears. 

With a refusal, Dean pulled you tight to his chest, and you let him, needing his strong arms around you to comfort you. Both of you were hurting, deeply. And Dean, he hadn't even truly had a chance to see, or meet his daughter yet. "I named her Mary, after your mother. It seemed right. But she already looks like you. She's beautiful."

"I can't wait to meet her." He murmured. "And I will. We will get her back." 

Just then the door burst open, and Sam came rushing inside. "Crowley's back!" He exclaimed, and you turned to Dean, feeling hope for the first time since you had been taken in the hospital.