When I was around 14, I remember asking my mother a very relevant question.
It was yet another time,,
after a fight had broken out between my parents, and I was a spectator. My brother had simply refused to stay and watch, partly because he was irritated by the row, partly because he had work, but mainly due to the reason that the fight was started owing to his stupidity.
I sat at the dinner table, looking sullen ,while my mother was clearing it all up. My father had strolled outside, probably to whiff another cigar.
There was no pain in her eyes, only indifference, a cold indifference as she jerked the wiper hard.
"Why didn't you divorce him mum?", I asked, thinking hard.
I never did ask such questions during such times but I knew that that time had been too much, even to witness.
My mother did not answer me right away, she was still busy with the table. Slowly she looked at me, then shrugged.
" Where would I take you lot then?"
The fights were forgotten, they had started talking to each other by late afternoon the other day, my brother had simply whisked around quietly and everyone was happy by the evening.
But something that my mother told me that day remains with me till today.
'Where would I take you lot'
I was brought up in a convent school, where we were taught that girls were no less than boys.
It is true too
But in my community, no matter how much the womenfolk boasted, they were still considered inferior to men.
"It's all because of lack of education", I would often boast " no jobs, no good economic condition"
I would tut then.
My mother used to look at me, over all the din of the television.
"No", she would say simply.
I would debate with her then, list all the pros and cons of economic upliftment of the women , but she always remained firm.
However, just as I was ready to jump into any conclusion about my mum, she would pipe up suddenly
" Education is very important though, you will no wonder be independent, then you won't have to ask money for every little stuff".
She would then go ahead and mention about a friend of hers who needed her husband's permission to buy even any undergarments.
We laughed and the debate was done.
My father held similar views.
"I don't know about boys", he would say, scratching himself while he shook his head over the recent news " but girls should get all the opportunities for education, much more than boys".
And I smiled.
We girls were always a bit rebellious (brought up as convent girls you cannot really expect anything else) and opposed every idea to getting married.
"When I grow up I'll never marry or have children, I'll look after my parents, break all the stereotypes", one of my friend would declare.
We all hummed our approval.
Well that was before we were fifth graders.
Then came a time, where our childhood crushes would change from our imaginations, when we used to imagine them not as our 'just fictional friends' anymore but someone much more special to us.
" Not at all", we would say to anyone who suggested such "I don't have a crush".
Then came the giggling.
Perhaps I was different, because everyone from my little girls' group, still firmly believed in renouncing marriage.
I still held a view that marriages held you up from all kinds of opportunities you could be getting otherwise.
I'd see my mother then my doubts were confirmed.
" No marriages", I'd say as my mother plaited my hair in two.
She would chuckle from above.
" No need to think of all this now", she would say, reapprochfully.
"But I swear I won't get married".
She would sigh .
I believed in love of course, I was and still am a very firm believer in love.
It is love that is strong enough to probe you to do anything, for another human being. But in my opinion then, marriage was a sort of a prick, a needle that would burst all the 'love ballons' bubbling up.
Hence,
As opposed as I was to marriage, as partial I was towards love.
