Welcome to Paradise // Billie Joe Armstrong // #Wattys2017

Still Breathing

A cold autumn breeze makes its way through my hair as I stand still in front of the library. The place that once soothed me with its comforting warmth and its books that captured the lives of millions now lurks at me intimidatingly. The building's doors look huge, possibly bigger than they have ever been.

Billie and I exchange looks and I receive a confirmatory glance. I nod and open the mouth of the monstrous building, almost able to hear a screeching, low-pitched laugh. As if I'm being welcomed into the lion's den with a subtle warning. I step inside cautiously and, almost immediately, I'm engulfed by the most horrible smell.

A smell perfectly capturing the lives of millions decomposing.

I hear Billie close the door behind me, followed by a desperate shout for Adrienne and Tre. Of course, as expected, no response is coming from anywhere in the building. They're not present here either.

Nevertheless, just like in the bar, it's visible they have been here at some point in their journey. The stained sheets on the floor, the empty cans of beans, the bookshelf barricading the back door, it all screams their presence. Unfortunately for us, they don't.

I walk around the room undecidedly, slouching past the bookshelves that I notice are covered in blood. "It's the walkers'" I hear Billie say as I look closer at the dirt-covered books. "Oh, good" I let out a sigh of relief as I continue my aimless stroll through the room.

I kick over some cans with my foot and move them back and forth a bit, before taking place next to Billie, who's sat himself down on one of the dirty sheets. "As we expected, isn't it?" he says. His voice sounds numb and the apathy in his eyes gives me the idea he's given up.

I wrap my arm around him comfortingly and give him a soothing look. "We're getting closer, we're going to find them eventually" I promise him, even though I find it hard to keep my own hopes up. I want him to find Adrienne and Tre, but in a world like the one we live in today, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. Or more like looking for a needle in a contagious haystack.

"Aileen, I would've been so far gone without you, literally and figuratively. Do you realize that?" Billie suddenly says. His words touch me, but they don't reach me. I shake my head in a no response slowly and look up at him. "You'd have made it without me" I say bluntly.

For a part, I know what I'm saying is not true, but wouldn't admitting that make me selfish? Besides, over the years I haven't been necessary for anyone, why would I suddenly be so for my biggest idol, for the man that has shaped me into the person I am today?

The whole thing of "needing" certain people in your life seems like such bullshit to me. You meet people you care about, people that matter to you and all of a sudden you decide you can't live without them, even though you have for your entire life. A simple trick of the mind, it's nothing more than that. And we're all stupid enough to fall for it.

"What on earth do I need to do to make you believe me" Billie laughs. "How do I get into that stubborn little head of yours" he says, while tapping his finger on my forehead, making me laugh.

"Prove it to me" I dare him. I try to swallow in the words, but they've already left my mouth. I watch anxiously for Billie's response, looking up at him in anticipation. Should have not said that, that was so damned risky, I think to myself. I notice something changing in the sparkle of his eyes, which feeds the doubt in my body. But, not so much a bad doubt, more like a thrilling doubt.

"Oh, I'd love to. You have no idea" Billie says hungrily, leaning into me. A dark smirk appears on his mouth as he cups my head into his hands and kisses me passionately. I feel his tongue run over my lips smoothly, before entering my mouth.

I kiss him back, hesitantly at first, but grow more confident after a while. A burning sensation is growing in the pit of my stomach as I feel Billie's hands roaming my body. At some point, his body is on top of mine and I find myself lying flat on the mud-stained, blood-covered blanket.

What a lurid romance, I think to myself.

I feel the black strands of his hair tickling my forehead. The idea of having my hero lying on top of me feels so surreal and far away and it's at this point, more than any, that I'm just waiting for myself to wake up. I have gone from living a boring life where no boy ever noticed my presence, to living in a zombie-apocalypse with Billie Joe Armstrong, who claims he can't live without me.

And I'm not waking up.

Billie breaks the kiss, his lips still hovering over mine as he looks me in my eyes. I crack a smile at him and he moves down to my neck, leaving a trail of kisses there. I try told hold back a moan, but discover it to be pretty hard with Billie's tongue running along my collarbone.

He then takes of his shirt in a swift movement, showing his tattoo's to me once again. He places his lips back on mine as he unzips my vest and tosses it somewhere further down the room. He takes down my jeans even faster, I'm now lying in front of him in just my underwear.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asks, to which I shake my head in a yes-response. If only he'd have any clue of how much I want this.

Billie smiles and continues the kiss, lowering down to my bare stomach. His tongue is drawing figure eights on my lower abdomen, making me let out a whimper. He suddenly turns me over so that I'm now on top of him, sitting in his lap.

His hands reach to my back, unbuckling my bra, which he also tosses to the side. "I don't think you have any clue of how gorgeous you are" he moans. "I want you so ba-".

All of a sudden, he stops in the middle of his sentence. He looks at me with fear in his eyes. Fear, but also... regret?

"Billie, what's wrong" I ask anxiously, my voice shaking. "Did I do something wrong?". In my head, I'm already running over the hundreds of horrible explanations for Billie's sudden change of behavior, but I can't seem to find any one that fits.

"No, I couldn't have" he mumbles.

"Couldn't have what? what's going on?" I plead, but Billie just keeps shaking his head, his eyes growing wide of... fear? Desperation? Disbelief?

"No, I'm such a bad friend... such a bad husband" he keeps repeating. "Such an ass...".

A/N: ha-ha am I not destroying you with all of these updates? :)                                                            The end is getting in sight guys :o