I am Here

The Day Of Meeting

Sometimes, I wish I was invisible, even though it feels like I already am. It seems everyone around me has someone who notices them always. When they feel good, bad, somewhere in between. Except for me, of course. It seems I slip
between the cracks when it comes to people noticing me. Besides my best friend, Alexis, and my mom, I would probably be invisible. Even my siblings rarely seem to care or notice what I was doing or where I was.

My dad, well, he couldn't care less what any of us did, as long as we were home by 11. But my brother and sister always seemed to avoid the wrath if they got home late. It's not as if I have anything worthy of staying out past curfew for though, my life is pretty basic. It basically consists of three main things, school, reading, and singing. Almost always in that order. My sister has always had a better social life, but that's what happens when you're the daughter of when of the wealthiest man in a small town. She's also the head cheerleader at Whiteford high, obviously, she hadn't asked me to try out ever. I'm not that sad about that, but sometimes I wish she'd try to include me.

It's not like I don't have any friends, because I do. Well, I have one friend, but that's better than none, as my mom always says. Anyways, life isn't complicated, at all, it's almost the simplest thing right now actually. It's just, well, life, that's all I can say about it. I guess sometimes you could look at me and think, she's got everything together, she doesn't worry, she's just fine. But if you looked even closer, you'd see the bags under my eyes, even closer, the scars under my sleeves. It's not like I'm "depressed" as my mom
would say, but I do feel different then most girls my age. Alexis is constantly telling me to smile more, and I do try, but it's not easy. Seeing as she's the only friend I have. I try to make friends, but I guess my appearance is slightly "off putting" as Alexis often calls it. I can see where she's coming from, my face kind of naturally rests in a frown, I'm always spacing out,I rarely talk, but if I do, it's kind of sarcastic.

But enough about me, you probably want to know more about my family, where I live, all the little details. I live in Whiteford, Kentucky. It's a smaller city, but not as small as some. My family is kind of the "most known" I guess you could say, due to the fact my dad owns one of the largest companies in the world. Why we are still living in his hometown, I don't know, but it's better than living in a huge city, besides the fact that basically the whole town knows who I am, I can't even go to the library without saying hi to about 10 people. But I don't have it nearly as bad as my sister, Kara, people flock to her, even if they don't know who she is, she isn't like me though, she loves the attention, basks in it even. It goes to her head, although I would never tell her that.

My brother, Milo, is different. He rarely gets recognized. It's so much easier for him, I mean, sure he's a good looking guy, but he has an intimidating appearance as well. He rarely smiles, and doesn't shy away from eye contact, at all. It makes people uneasy sometimes. My mom is the only one who hates the attention as much as I do. She says it throws her off, and that people should be caring less about her life, and more about their own. I completely agree. My dad, on the other hand, is a lot like Kara. But not to the same extent. Sure, he enjoys the attention, but after awhile, he'll just want it to stop.

Alexis often jokes about how she should've been friends with Kara if she wanted to have a famous friend. She doesn't realize how much that hurts I think, but I just nod and smile. That's what I spend most of my days doing, nodding and smiling. But I guess that's what happens when you don't talk much. But I shouldn't complain, you must have it harder than me, when you're a person who talks a lot, it must get very tiring, right? I'm going to assume it does. Any ways. I'm just going to get right into my life, hope it doesn't bore you too much.

It was September 2nd, 2015. First day of the school year, I was dreading it, yet anticipating it at the same time. I was hoping it would be different than all the other years, that I wouldn't walk into my class and the first thing that the teacher would say was "Oh, You're Kara's sister, right? Well, I'm excited to have you here then." That can get very annoying, but, what did I expect, being the younger sister f someone as amazing as Kara, things like that happen all the time. As I waited for Alexis to get there, I looked around the school yard. It looked the same as every year, but something felt a little off, as my gaze swept towards the flagpole, I could've sworn I saw something, but then again, it could have just been a leaf or something. I shook my head, school hasn't even started yet and I was already so tired, but I guess I've been tired a lot lately, I can't figure out why.

Then I saw Alexis's car pull up, a rare smile tugged at my lips as I saw what she was wearing. It was her giant elephant hat I'd gotten for her birthday as a joke, when she opened it she said she was going to wear it the first day of school, we both had laughed at that, but there she was. She ran over and gave me a hug. "I can't believe you're actually wearing that, I thought it was just a joke" I said and she smiled widely. "Well of course I'm wearing it, I never go back on my word!" She laughed. I was laughing too, but inside I was wondering how she managed to do it, wear something like that without severe anxiety about what people would think about her. I can hardly get dressed in the morning without panicking about that. But I suppose not everyone is like me in that way, most people don't struggle with social stuff as much as I do, my sister says I'm just overreacting, but I don't know. I don't want my social anxiety to hinder anyone else, but sometimes I feel like I'm holding Alexis back, not letting her do as much as she could. I feel like maybe she would have been better off with a different best friend.

Everything I read online says I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I can't really help it, I'm so used to blaming everything on me, it comes naturally. Ok, back to the present now, I should stop rambling so much. I shook myself to stop from spacing out and smiled at her." Hope you don't get too many weird looks with that thing on." I said with my smile slightly fading. She just laughed more." Even if I did, who cares, right?" She says, nudging my shoulder. I nodded with a smile and mumbled " right" under my breath. As we walked into the school, she held her head high with a smile, as I ducked mine. That's how it usually was, the first person you notice was Alexis, you were drawn to her, and then you would notice me, head ducked, in the background. Not that I was complaining, it's not like I want to get noticed all the time, sometimes it's nice to have someone smile at you, instead glancing over and returning to the brighter picture. She was greeting old friends, her smile never fading, laughing loudly every once in a while. I tried to smile, but I didn't necessarily feel like it, for what reason, I don't know, but sometimes, I would be happy for a minute, and frowning the next. It was hard for me to have my emotions so tangled up and crazy all the time, but I've been dealing with it for so long, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Sheesh, I bet you're tired of all this spacing out and conversations in my head, but you better get used to it, it's how I spend most of my days. We walked towards my first class, History, she side hugged me." You should smile more." She said, lifting my chin up. I laughed, fake, but she couldn't tell." There it is." She says, opening the door." See you at lunch!" She smiled and walked down the hallway. I squared my shoulders and headed inside, my mind was screaming all these different directions to my body, I felt like I didn't even know how to walk. I plastered a fake smile across my face, my cheeks felt wrong, stiff, like cement. As I walked in the teacher, Ms. Whatever her last name was, a generic name I would guess, smiled at me widely." Why, you're Kara sister aren't you?" She said, my shoulders slumped slightly." Yep, that's me" I said. Her smile grew." Well, I'll be expecting a lot from you then, go ahead and take a seat." I smiled back, my face starting to ache from the strain of smiling for even one minute. I turned around and looked for a good place to sit, somewhere close enough so I could see the board, but not so close as in everyone would be able to see me. While I was looking around, I tried not to notice the people staring at me, my legs felt like jello and I started to feel the need to cry, I was desperate to just sit down and hide my face. I spotted a desk in a back corner, so much for being closer to the front. I quickly walked over and sat down so hard it made a loud noise, as everyone turned to stare at me, my face slowly turned a bright shade of red. I ducked my head and started to look in my bag, pretending I needed something, while I really only needed to hide my face. When I finally had the courage to look up again, I noticed something I hadn't before, or really, someone. There was a guy I'd never seen before, sitting two desks to the left of me. He was staring at me, I could feel it, I tried not to make eye contact as I sat up and started fidgeting with my sweater. As I felt his gaze leave me, I looked over, his hair was a dark brown, looking almost black in the light, his eyes were a light crystal blue, almost grey, and his skin was paler than most. I looked away quickly before he noticed I was staring, there was something different about him, a slight, I don't know, chill in the air around him. But I shook my head, I shouldn't get so spaced out in class, even though it hadn't even started yet, I needed to clear my head. As Ms. Generic walked to the front of the room and cleared her throat, I sat up straighter and tried to focus, but I felt his gaze move over me again, and I felt my body stiffen. I tried to force my mind away from him, but I couldn't. I let my eyes drift towards him, and met his gaze. Just then, time stopped, there was something so strange about him. Everything felt, how to describe it, cold, yet, warm, all at once. I stared at him for what felt like minutes before I realized that the teacher was talking, and I broke eye contact, shivering. I took a deep breath, trying to focus. And so began the first day of school.