D E J A
"The tattoos, the scars, they mark them, in a way to belong to each other." I barely listened to a suicide expert/teacher on how to deal with it.
"Because in the end, it's our relationships that keep us all alive." He smiled at Hanson and I as we sat on the couch in Fullers office.
"Half of them sound like they could really do it," Hanson spoke about the kids that he met during the burglary case, "Isn't there something I should look for, you know, like warning signs and all that?"
"Hostile behavior, mood swings, promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse, alienation among they're friends." The teacher explained.
"That sounds like just being a teenager." I sighed as I tapped my pen impatiently on my notepad.
"Not everyone, but it does kind of tell you something, huh? Just listen. Most of the time just having a friend who can listen is enough." He said as I wrote these notes down, for any future need.
The door opened and Penhall walked in, his hair was undone and messy while he wore a dirty flannel shirt over a white tee.
"Nice of you to come to work, Doug." Hanson spoke bitterly.
"Oh, were we discussing the case, involving the student cat burglar?" He asked as I looked away from him.
"Suicide ain't my case, and I ain't working on it no more." Penhall said with a file in hand.
"Your on it until I say you're not on it." Fuller spoke sternly.
"Yeah, well last night they caught the kid, with a stolen goods sting operation." Penhall said tossing the file onto Fullers desk.
Penhall told us very briefly about how the thief confessed, therefore the case was solved.
"I've finished all of my paperwork, and it'd like to take a personal day, unless of course I have official police business I have to attend to?" Penhall said as I kept my eyes on my paper, and I could feel his eyes on me.
--
I knocked on Penhall's door nervously.
I haven't talked to him in over two days which was like a record for us.
He answered in the same pair of clothing he wore the day before yesterday.
"We need to talk." I sighed as I stepped into his apartment.
"If it's about this case, you could've just called me so I could hang up instead of having to kick you out." He said and I looked up at him.
"What are you doing?" I asked on the verge of tears.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I breathed shakily as he closed his eyes for a second.
He stammered for a second, I was pissed off and so incredibly worried when he disappeared for a day.
"Don't shut me out!" I strained my voice.
"Hey, hey, come here." He said and I tried to fight it but he wrapped his strong arms around me as I started to cry.
I hugged him tightly before we broke apart, "Please stop crying, you know I said all of that stuff just to get you away from the danger-me." He spoke and I gave him a confused look.
"Doug, I'm not going to let anything happen to you, I won't let it, even if I have to be around you constantly." I spoke worriedly about my husband.
"You're my husband." I said looking up at him, "You can't leave me alone, were supposed to be together." I sucked in sharply before he kissed the top of my head.
I closed my eyes tightly, "I won't leave you,-" "No, you won't. Don't scare me like that." I said hitting his chest.
"I was so worried about you, I-I thought the worst." I stammered before Penhall brought me over to his couch.
"Hey, don't think about that." He said pulling me into my chest as I shook, I sent Hanson out looking for him and he found him earlier today.
"But listen, I need to tell you something." He said as I looked up at him.
"When I was 8 years old, I tried to kill myself." He said as a tear ran down my cheek, he wiped it away with his thumb softly.
"I drank a whole bottle of Vanilla Extract.. I didn't mean for it to be cute, I meant to kill myself." "At eight?" I whispered and he slowly nodded.
"My mother was an alcoholic, she was really hard to have around, even when I was six. It was easier when she was gone, I felt so incredibly guilty after I realized that. It was like I killed her. Like I sent her away," He broke eye contact as he looked to the right, "Like she left because I hadn't loved her enough." He spoke and my heart broke for him.
"I do a lot of funny stuff when people leave me," He sniffled as he rubbed my hands, "I make a lot of deals with God." He looked up at me again.
"I used to eat all my vegetables because I knew that's what my mother wanted, and that it would make her happy up in heaven. And I didn't talk to my father for months, cause I thought that would bring her back.. I had this other deal with God that, uh," He paused as his eyes became even glassier, "If I was a real good boy, then she'd come back. She didn't come back.. I was kind of difficult for awhile- about some 20-odd years." He chuckled and I barely smiled.
He breathed deeply.
"I don't know, maybe that's why I act like I'm six sometimes." He shrugged.
"I'm sorry." I spoke genuinely as I looked at him.
"Oh, what are you sorry for?" "I'm your wife and friend, I should've acted on my suspicions." I sighed.
"Oh, so it's okay for me to act obnoxious sometimes?" He asked and I shook my head before we both chuckled, he leaned down and kissed me.
"Gee, I don't know.. You don't like my stories, you don't like the music I listen to." He joked and I smirked, "Shut up." I whispered before our lips connected again.
"Come on, let's go to bed." Penhall said helping me up before we walked up to his loft.
"You're the only person who knows all of this." Penhall said as we laid across from each other, his hand on my hip as our legs we wrapped together.
"Thank you for telling me." I whispered.
"Thank you for staying in my life." He mumbled as he got closer.
YOU ARE READING
Deja // 21 Jump Street
Fanfiction"Take it from me: even heroes can't save them all."
