Can You Feel My Heart? //ERERI/RIREN - ERURI

Day 3.

He woke up on the ground the next day after Erwin's phonecall. "Maybe it was a good idea to go out and get my mind off things..." As he pushed himself off the ground, he felt his hand sting again. Levi looked at it and noticed the bandage was off. He then remembered that he didn't wake up with it on either the day before. His hand had a nasty bruise on it. It was on the very side and pretty big too. Could it be he had broken his hand just with one single punch? "You have to control your own strength, Lev. Otherwise you might become a danger to others and yourself."

Then he noticed his waking up spot was on the ground, surrounded by even more empty bottles of alcohol than yesterday. His head ached and his mouth felt oddly dry. Thirst took over his emotions. He had to drink something.

Levi got up to grab some water, but because he moved too fast, his head started to hurt and his sight became partially black. "How could I have let this happen to myself?" he mumbled, referring to his most probably broken hand and the hangover he was dealing with at the moment. Fortunately he didn't remember anything of what happened while he was drunk. He didn't even want to know.

As he made his way to the kitchen, something stung in his back. The shard of glass was still in his back, gradually being pushed further into him with every stretch he did. He decided he had to go to the doctor's for it or it might get infected.

The car. It was still in the garage. In the same spot where he left it when he came home from that dark and deciseful day. Only to realise that it was only 2 days ago. It felt like forever since then. Time has been going slow and the days seemed to go by within every hour.

Levi grabbed the doorhandle to the driver's seat. He took a deep breath as he opened it. When he finally sat down and had opened the garage door to go outside, he still didn't start the car. His eyes were big and watery and he was taking short, shaky breaths. The air in the car... It spread a scent. A familiar one. The one of Eren's. He saw it all happen again. How he found Eren, unconscious on the bathroom floor with at least 5 empty bottles of pills scattered around him on the same floor. He had kneeled beside him and tried to wake Eren up, but to no use. Quickly he had called 911, but they said that it would be more convenient if he brought Eren to the hospital. So they went by car. Eren was buckled up in the passenger's seat, with it leaning backwards a bit so he wouldn't lunge forward in the seat.

With tears rolling down his cheeks, he looked over at the passenger's seat, which was still in the same position as how Eren had lied in there. Unconscious, but waiting for death. And death was soon to come onto him.

He pulled himself together, shaking his head forcefully and pushing his eyelids together. "Stop thinking back," he whispered to himself, "it's no use if you do that."

Finally, Levi put the key into the ignition slot and started up the car. It drove onto the streets, on his way to the doctor's office. He parked it a few blocks away and walked the rest.

-

"No, I don't have time for this!" he shouted through the phone. His whole body was shaking with anger and fear. "Levi..." the other voice spoke, but Levi didn't want to let him talk any further.

"No! Stop calling me. I'm not willing to listen to your words of bullshit."

"Levi, please, listen. We're all worried about-"

"Oh, shut up. Now you're worried? Why weren't you worried last week, when I called you up telling you that Eren was in a coma in the goddamn hospital? You didn't even come to take a visit! What kind of friend are you, to only worry when you're not spoken to?!"

"No, it's nothing like that. Just let me explain."

"I won't let you. Stop calling me. Goodbye."

He hung up abruptly after the last word. He was done. People only care when it has something to do with them. Only then they show worry. Only then they feel the need to call you up in the middle of the night to attack you with some bullshit story about how much you have worried them. If they really did care, they would've shown affection when you were showing signs. There's no excuse for it. They ignored your problems when they were the least, so they will also ignore your problems when you can't take it anymore. They don't listen. They don't care. They don't want to be bothered with you and your pathetic excuse for a life.

Levi had fallen asleep in his car while driving on a strange road. After the visit to the doctor's he decided to drive off to somewhere. He didn't know where, but he wanted to go. The doctor had removed the shard of glass, reassuring Levi that it would heal perfectly and that it didn't leave any permanent damage. The wound got stitched up, because what Levi thought was just a tiny piece of glass, was actually pretty big and had left a deep, oozing wound behind.

Then Erwin called again. He was trying to ask why Levi was so rude the day before, but Levi wasn't willing to answer that question. He knows Levi's boyfriend, his soulmate, his fiancé, had died just a few days ago. He should've known what was up just by using his mind.

Levi buried his face in his hands and leaned on the claxon. It shook him up and made him look onto the road in front of him. It was dark. He didn't turn the car's lights on, so Levi had to let his eyes adjust to the darkness before he could see anything. He saw he stood in the middle of the road. No other car was around. The road was as empty as he felt.

"You could just drive off of the road right now and be with Eren."

The thought scared him, but he desired it. To be with his beloved Eren again. In peace. But something in him held him back. It was as if someone was whispering in his ear to not kill himself, telling him he had so much to live for. Levi imagined it was Eren leaning close to him. He felt his warm breath near his ear, blowing towards his neck. It made his body shiver. "Eren... Why did you leave me?" he asked aloud, hoping to hear an answer from his imagination. But nothing was heard. There only existed complete silence with some nearly quiet sound of the wind blowing through the trees. It made Levi sad again. At least he could feel sadness. It was something else from the emptiness, anger and fear he felt the past few days.

"Start up the car and speed up."

"Drive off."

"Go and be with Eren. It's what you want, right?"

"Let yourself die."