“Dad.”
Jim looked at Lily, watching her pick at her nails as he drove her home from school.
“Yeah?”
“Guess what the bitch Kaitlyn said today?”
“You shouldn’t use that language, Lil.”
“But she’s a bitch.”
He sighed and turned onto the main road.
“Alright, fine. Just... Don’t tell your mom. But go on.”
“So this bitch, she told me that she’s dating Joe! But I only just broke up with him!”
“Aren’t you dating... What’s his name? John?”
“It’s Cameron dad, Jesus. I broke up with John like, four weeks ago.”
“And then Joe was after that.”
“Right.”
Jim laughed bitterly, realizing that his daughter would probably be pregnant by the end of the year.
“Do you actually... You know, like any of them?”
“Of course. They’re all hot as fuck.”
“Watch your language. And that’s not what I meant. Do you know anything about them? What’s Cameron’s favorite movie?”
“How the fuck am I supposed to know?”
“Watch your language.”
“I think it’s like, The Dead Poets Society or something like that.”
Jim’s ears perked up at the mention of his daughter actually dating a sensible boy with good tastes in movies. His hope was soon crushed when he realized that Cameron was also a teenage boy, and his daughter was quite pretty.
“He always quotes this line from it, about Carp fish or something.”
“For fuck’s sake, Lil. They’re talking about ‘Carpe Diem,’ which means ‘Seize the day.’”
“Oh, so it’s like YOLO.”
“What?”
“‘You only live once.’”
“I hate your generation.”
“I hate yours too.”
“Your mom was from that generation.”
“I know. But she’s cooler. She says YOLO.”
“That’s why we haven’t had sex in four months.”
“Dad!”
“Sorry. It’s true, though.”
“Please, for the love of God, stop.”
“I’ve had to use your mother’s dildo.”
“Holy shit. Oh my God. I want to kill myself.”
Jim broke out laughing, watching his daughter squirm from his uncomfortable humor.
“Why don’t you just tell another dumb chemistry joke like you always do?”
He smiled softly.
“Fine. What do you do with a dead chemist?”
“What?”
“Barium.”
“I don’t get it.”
“That’s a shame, it really is. Here’s another one: What do you do with a chemistry teacher’s sex life?”
“Bury it?”
“Exactly.”
“I get that one.”
“I wish you didn’t.”
“Me too.”
