Carnival Ride of Life

Part One: The Results

Mumbled voices from down the carpeted hallway distract me from writing my bucket list, carnival edition. I can feel it from my dry toes to my bald head that today will be a great day. The voices grow closer until they rest outside my door, and I realize that one belongs to my doctor. "Her results came back," Dr. Robertson tells someone else,"and her counts..." I get up from my chair by the window and tiptoe closer to my room's door. I make out bits and pieces of the conversation and as I do, my hopes slowly drop to the bottom of my soul. "... not good... need to call tonight... she has such a good spirit... treatments... five years now..."

I open the door abruptly, stopping the conversation between Dr. Robertson and a new nurse. "Hello, Dr. Rob. Heard you outside my door and thought I'd let you in early!" My voice pitches up at the end causing me to flinch at my social skills.

"I'll talk to you later," Dr. Robertson says nodding to the nurse. As she heads down the fluorescent-lit hallway, he steps into my bare room. "Rachel, your results are back-"

"I know, Dr. Rob. You don't need to tell me," I interrupt. He tries opening his mouth to talk again, but I raise my hand silently telling him to stop. "I came here for my mom. Now she has two more children and a husband. I've accomplished things that a normal teenager would do, with my mom by my side, despite being diagnosed four years ago. Now I just have this list," I tell him, motioning to my bucket list on the table across the room. "Just let me go."

Dr. Robertson stares down at his clipboard, flips through the numerous papers, takes a deep breath, and looks back up at me. "Rachel, you are an amazing young woman. I am glad that I got to be here with your journey." He sets his tanned hand on my shoulder. "Go finish your carnival bucket list. The carnival is here this weekend." He turns toward the door, pauses, and turns back around to give me a brisk hug.

"Bye, Dr. Rob," I say, robotically patting his back. When he leaves the room and takes a left towards the elevators, I walk back to the window and stare down at my packed duffel bag with carnival scenes on it, and I glance at my bucket list. Looking out the window, I imagine that I can see the ferris wheel rising high above the clouds. Today is the day.