Hamilton One-Shots

Saying Goodbye [Lams]

After Laurens' death- funeral.

Alexander stood at the grave. He didn't know what to say. For once in his life, his words failed him. He didn't know what to feel. It seemed as if this all had to be some terrible nightmare. He didn't cry and his throat felt as if it had been closed off.

"Alexander?" He turned to see Eliza, her eyes soft. Her hand rested on his arm, his other arm cradling their newborn son.

He was supposed to be cheerful, filled with joy. The war was over and they had won. He was alive, both Eliza and his son were alive and healthy. This wasn't supposed to happen. What could he had expected, though? That everything would finish flawlessly? Of course it hadn't.

"I'll be fine," he reassured her. He pulled his lips up in a small smile. "Go home with Angelica. I'll meet you there."

She nodded. Leaning forward, she kissed his cheek before joining her sister a few yards away.

He closed his eyes, holding them closed to tight that he thought they would possibly tear. What good would this do? Laurens would never come back to him.
His eyes snapped open in a moment. His head whirled to his side at a feathery touch on his shoulder. And there he was. He was there, definitely, only he seemed as if he were projecting his own memory in front of him. Was that even possible?

Laurens lips parted ever slightly when he smiled, and then he knew it wasn't his mind. He knew it was Laurens saying goodbye. In just a moment, he was gone and Alexander was left alone once more. "Laurens."

There was hardly anyone else left. Alexander walked up to the grave and knelt down, reading the inscriptions over and over until they were ingrained in his memory. He supposed it was too much to ask for everyone to live.

"I can't even speak," he said in no more than a whisper. "I always knew what to say. Always in my letters to you. Did you get my last letter? I don't think you did." His head hung at his neck and his tears started to fall.

He had a sudden feeling of frustration. As if Laurens was watching and thought tears weren't needed to be spent on him. He felt as if someone were trying to comfort him, but he didn't want his tears to be dried. "I'll cry if I want to god dammit." He felt like laughing after he spoke. He supposed it did sound humorous.

He took in a deep breath, sitting up straight. "I'll see you again. When my time comes. I will see you again," he promised.