Raise A Glass {Lams}

::Twelve::

Eliza walked down the street, the leaves crunching under her feet. A cold wind was sent her way, making her bury her face deeper into her scarf. She always did dislike winter, there was just something so gloomy about everything frosting over that made her frown. 

She heard someone run up behind her, puffing. Curiously, she turned around to see James Madison.

Huffing, he pulled out his inhaler and took a few puffs before turning to Eliza and smiling. "Hey!"

"Jemmy!" Eliza laughed, wrapping her arms around his torso, careful not to squeeze too hard and hurt him. 

James chuckled, Eliza had a way of making him grin. "Hey, Liz. How are ya?"

She sighed, he could see her eyes flickering with sadness. "I guess I'm alright. How ar--"

"You're lying," he told her, not even sure if she knew it herself. "What's wrong?" Eliza stared at her feet, wiggling her toes in her white-girl Uggs. 

"To be honest," she started, realizing just how much was getting her down. She was even surprised when she noticed, now, how much weight was crushing her down. Only then, did she realize she was drowning. Tears sprung to her eyes as she did. "No."

"No?" James asked, as he guided her to a park bench. It was cool to the touch when the two sat down, but neither of them really cared. 

"No," Eliza took a deep breath. She begged her body not to cry, she wished she could be strong like Angelica. Never wavering, never surrendering. Or like Peggy, remaining positive even in the face of doubt. She wished she had the best of her sisters, but she didn't. So all she could do was plead with her own will. "I'm not okay.

"I miss him, I miss being able to love him. He never was open to me, but I looked past that. Because I really was in love with him. I saw his good qualities, I saw within him. But I guess I wasn't enough, obviously I wasn't. I understand, though, Alex always was so interested in John. I just assumed it was because they were best friends, but I was so blindly in love I was willing to ignore what was clearly there."

James was quiet, he felt horrible for what his best friend was going through. He put a hand over hers, his hand was warm against her cold hand. 

"Well," James started. "I know you. And I know it hurts right now, Liz, but guess what? It's ephemeral, this pain, I mean. You're strong, Eliza Schuyler, you are. And you can power through this because you're gonna realize something. That you're beautiful and if Alexander can't see that, then he's stupid."

Eliza smiled. "I suppose he can't help it," she whispered. "I can tell you for sure, love doesn't discriminate. It only takes and takes. I'm sure Alex isn't in control of matters of the heart. But, thank you, James. Thank you. You're the first person to tell me I'm not okay."

James gave Eliza a warm smile. 

Eliza leaned closer to James, falling on top of his chest. The next thing they know, they're kissing. 

And then James is pulling away. 

"Eliza...I...I can't," he whispered, his eyes wide. 

Eliza felt the magnitude of what just happened, what she had done. James was in love, and not with her. 

"I...I'm so sorry James," she said, tears falling down her cheeks, as she ran away. 

John stumbled into the apartment, almost 11. He had spent 4 hours in the library, studying, his brain was fried, to say the least. 

"Guys," He called. "I'm back. What's there to eat?!" When there was no response, John was concerned. So, he shouted again "Anyone here?!"

"John?" he heard a small voice whimper, from the hallway. The weak voice belonged to Alexander. 

"Alexander?" John asked, letting his backpack slid off his shoulder. He ran over to the hallway to see Alex, John's quilt wrapped around his body. He looked terrible, his eyes bloodshot and his hair frizzy and messed up. When John put a hand on Alex's arm, he felt the smaller body shivering and trembling. He noticed Alex was quite pale, except for his cheeks and under his eyes. The latter had dark bags underneath them and his cheeks were flushed. "You look awful...where's Herc and Laf? Are you alright? Is that my quilt?"

Alexander coughed into the crook of his arm. "They went out to canoodle in the public." 

John pulled Alexander into a tight hug, feeling his entire frame shaking. "You're sick, aren't you?" he said. 

"Wha--no, I never get sick..."

John released Alex from the grasp and had his hand on Alex's forehead in an instant. "God, you're boiling. You got a fever like that in a day?"

Alex shook his head and let John brush his hair out of his face, not minding John's concern and attention. "Felt sick for two days..."

It all made sense, how quiet Alex had been throughout the days. "You're so stupid," John shook his head but smiled kindly. "C'mon, let's get you to bed..."

Two doses of ibuprofen and cough syrup later, Alex was tucked in bed with John watching over him.

High on the medication, Alex grabbed John's hand in his own. It was sweaty from the temperature his body was racking. John dabbed the sweat off his forehead with a tissue. 

"You know," Alex whispered his voice hoarse and almost non-exsistent. "I'm in love with Laurens."