Being smart sounds so fun doesn't it?
Good memory, active brain, all great right?
High grades, answers to all the questions, able to make up entire universes,
All sounds amazing,
And it is amazing for a while,
Until you're disappointed in yourself for a grade someone would've killed for, just because you made one mistake and the mistake exists
Until they start only asking you something if they want a fast and direct answer, and then you get it wrong, the surprise and awkwardness in their voice is horrible
Until you want the universe to be a story, maybe even a book, but you can't seem to please your own need for perfection with the words on the paper
Until you're never good enough
Never smart enough
Raise the expectations too much
Until you get so stressed that sleep is rare
Until I am,
Never what everyone thinks I am
Never what I want to be
Never perfect in every, or any way
I'll never be good enough for me
And I'll never be pleased with how "well" I did a thing
And sometimes I just don't want to be that "smart girl" anymore.
