Have you ever felt like you were sleeping through time?
Like depression just took over?
Knowing what was going on, but couldn't speak or escape it.
When you finally wake up and are free, you discover new scars on your wrists and legs.
Bruises on your stomach, legs, and arms.
Remembering being ran into a wall.
Feeling like you had been thrown down the stairs.
Family members who ignore you because you had overdosed on those sleeping pills mom bought you 'cause you could never fall asleep on your own.
Being scared to fall asleep 'cause you didn't know if it would come back and take over.
Feeling alone, taking that razor and cutting yourself, not depression cutting you, but you awake and free with the razor in your hang.
Blood on the floor.
Piles of band-aid's,
Long sleeved shirts,
Tears staining the suicide letter to your family.
It's almost over.
It's going to be done, no more sleepless nights
Control-less thoughts.
Red stained arms.
It's when you are cold dead on your floor, all cut up with pills all around you.
Them feeling for a pulse.
More disappointment when they didn't find it.
"Just know I couldn't do this, it took over. I can't be controlled. Now I'm free for good. Don't be sad, you'll get over it, I know you will. You always do. Just know I fought, even though I lost, remember I tried. You gave up, you didn't help fight off the demons with me. Remember I was strong for you, that I kept smiling through tough times. Smile for me, be strong this time. Don't waste your life. Adventure the world. I will always love you. See you when your time comes. When your 120. Live for us. I have to go now. I'll send an angel to look after you. Bye darling.
Forever free now. "
(If you know me, I just wanted to make it clear that I made this up and that I'm not thinking of suicide).
~alexyss.
