One Sided Love ➵ Carl Grimes Gay

XVII. ➵ we won't

June 9th

I don't like confrontation. I absolutely hate it. It makes my throat tighten up, my palms begin to sweat, and I always feel my stomach drop down to my ankles.

This whole thing caught me off guard, because never in a million years would I set up anybody or their community, especially when my boyfriend is a part of it.

My relationship with Carl was constantly escalating, I stuck with him through the fight with Mikey and he stuck with me once I finally had to confess to him about papa.

It's so frustrating, because you want to explain yourself, but the other person just isn't having it-- they've already made up their mind whether or not you're bad or good, they won't trust you, and they won't let you thoroughly tell them what's going on, they just don't want to hear it.

Idiocy is to blame on my part, since I was dumb enough to think that this would ever work out. Papa is a savage, and he's not gonna back down to anyone, and I should've known he'd run into Alexandria at some point and mess everything up.

There's not all that much anger pointed towards Carl, it's mostly heartbreak. My rage is at my dear ole' papa. I feel like I can never have anything good, like Carl, just because I'm not a very outgoing or put together person. I'm awkward, and shy, and my hands get clammy sometimes, but I have a good personality-- I like people.

The whole entire walk made my legs burn, I was crying my eyes out and barely even paying any attention to my surroundings. If the truck battery hadn't been dead, I would've taken that-- Mark gave it to me for several reasons, this being one of them.

The warehouse did everything except make me feel comfortable, as soon as I laid eyes on the run-down outside, I couldn't help but groan... and make sure my nose wasn't running from all the crying.

I'll be very honest with you, I felt like absolute hell. It's like when you're really sick and you go to the doctor, but they can't prescribe you the good medication because you don't have those symptoms yet.

I walk in through the front entrance and keep my head down, trying to sneak past anyone who may recognize me.

I didn't want to be back, but I didn't have a choice, there was no where else that I could go. The warehouse has to be my second home because I'm sure Carl is screaming I'm Negan's son at the top of his lungs for everyone to hear.

'Look what we've got here'

I freeze, slowly turning around and wiping my cheeks on my sleeve.
'Hi'

'What's up, sunshine?'
He asks.
'Shouldn't you be with... shoot, I don't remember his name'

'Carl is his name'
I shrug.
'But, there's a very slim chance that it's going to continue'

'Why's that?'

'Something happened'
I sniff.
'It's not my fault, but I feel like it is. I feel guilty'

'Well, I think it'll work out, pumpkin'

'Thanks, Bryce'

'No problem'
He nods.
'Hey, your dad is out in the armory if you wanna see 'em'

'Oh, okay'