Guardian (Niall Horan + Harry Styles)

chapter 22

*Jo's POV* 

Niall's gone again  today. 

He's been missing a lot of school lately, except for one day last week. i need to go see him soon. if  something...happened, and i  never got the chance to talk to him  again, i would never be able to sleep again knowing i should've visited him more than i did.

i think back to the day i gave myself to him. true, we had only known eachother for a short while, but something was there, from the second that he touched me for the first time.  the feeling of his strong arms lifting me up so effortlessly after knocking me down with his football is still there; each time i run my hand over those spots on my arms, it's almost as if he's here with me. it's the way my heart flutters just thinking about him, knowing he really is mine. it's no secret that every girl (with the exception of demi) in school wants to date him, and this only makes me realize how lucky i really am.

reminiscing time is over. though it was nice to take a stroll down memory lane, nothing has changed. Niall is still in the hospital with type 1 lung cancer, and i'm still stuck here, trying to fathom the thought that my boyfriend could die at any moment. 

die.

as in, the only light that finally shattered my darkness and horrible past, gone.

never coming back.

my life...it  would never be the same. i don't think i'd suvive without knowing that he's right next to me, whether hes actually here or just not far away, to protect me. i'd be paranoid that history would repeat itself and i'd be taken advantage of again. i've felt safe because i knew he would never let that happen, but  without him, i have nothing. 

i am nothing without him.

he's my other half. my better half. the half of me that keeps me sane and tells me that i'm not alone. he's the half of me that makes everything okay. 

if he dies...my heart just isn't strong enough to take that kind of beating. i've tried to tell myself that i'm a strong girl, that nothing can take me down, and that i'm just as fearless on my own as i am with him. but in reality, i'm just not. i need him. i need him to keep my anxiety in check. i haven't had an anxiety attack in months. i used to have them all the time, but once things started to turn up for me and Niall...they stopped. 

i find myself still wandering around my school, well past 3:00. i must've gotten too caught  up in my thoughts. 

i'm going to visit Niall, soon. 

soon.

~~~

"I'm here to see Niall Horan?"  I walk up to the check-in desk at Niall's hospital. the receptionist flips some papers, runs her finger down one of the pages, and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry, but you can't see him right now, he's in preparation to undergo a new treatment and will be under observation for awhile," she explains, as nicely as possible. why didn't Niall tell me that he was getting new treatment? 

"oh...um, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly will the new treatment...do?" 

she proceeds to explain to me that this treatment will be a clear-cut either win or lose-- a 50/50 chance of him surviving or not. she tells me about something about his cardio receptors possibly not responding, but i can barely hear her. i don't think i've ever been this scared.

he's either going to live, or die. there's no grey area. black or white.

"wow..." i breath, not exactly intending to say it out loud. 

"if it helps, dear, he's in the very best hands here. we've sent our top doctors to perform the first treatment, as well as observe, so as to be able to jump in immediately if something goes wrong."