Three Days After

1

          I wake up on the floor, freezing. I don't even remember going to sleep or laying down. Matter of fact, I have no clue what is going on. All I know is that I'm laying here on the floor, freezing, and for all I know I could have missed the bus to school. Oh no, school. I automatically get up, but when I look around everything is different. It's seems, dull. Instead of looking for my alarm clock, which was my original plan, I look around more. There is a huge red stain in the middle of the floor right next to the edge of my bed. I try to step over it, failing at the end, and continue looking around. Its almost as if everything has a grey undertone to it, unlike how I remember my room. 

         My room, as I remember, was very colorful. My comforter was a salmon pink, walls where white but I would always paint on them my self to show my feelings on the wall. Now that wall seems so dull, I almost feel like all those times I thought it looked amazing i was blind. All my pictures I had on the walls where taken off, even the ones that formed a heart. My desk is now cleared off with only a few pieces of paper left on it. My usual clutter of school work and homework now gone and no where to be seen.  I continue into the bathroom to where I had all my makeup, but yet again, everything is cleared off. 'How could this have all happened in one night?' I thought to my self. I didn't want to say anything out loud because I didn't know the time and I hate waking others up. Everything looks the same shade of white, which it never was before. I walk back out into my actual room to look some more, only I've seen it all. 

       As it use to take five minutes just to go from one side to another, it took me less than three to look everywhere. My thought start traveling everywhere of how this could have happened. I never cleaned my room, ever. For it to be this clean, either my mom did it, or she told me to clean it and threatened me with something. I sit on my bed above the what seems like blood stain, realizing it was old and dry, trying to think things over. Not thinking of any ideas that make sense, I decide to look at the one thing left in my room. The notes on my desk. Not knowing what they are for or why they are the only things left in my room, they could be a clue of what is going on. I walk slowly to the desk, not minding the blood stain anymore. What I see on the desk, does not look like any notes I've taken before. The paper looks like it has had water damage and it really wrinkly. The closer I get the more details I notice that almost scare me. The water damage is not the whole paper, but just dots here and there, like the person that was writing this was crying. It is obviously my hand writing, but I don't remember ever writing this. When I finally get to my desk there is blood on the top and bottom, even some finger prints some places. I pick the one on top up and start to read. 

         Dear anyone that reads this first, 

I know how bad this looks, I can only imagine how you could feel if you knew me, but this is for the best. Maybe you don't think that, but I did this for me, not you. Who ever you are, you can be my mom, one of my sisters, or a friend that came in to find me like this. I know this is a surprise to a lot of people, but this is how it is. I'm sorry you had to be the first to know about this. The whole reason why this hasn't happened sooner was because I knew I would effect someone in a bad way. It got to the point where I was living miserably for other people. That isn't what I wan't to do. Either I live for something and enjoy it or there isn't a reason to be here anymore. I know some people don't believe in the concept but I do and I know this is what is best for me. 

I really am sorry because I know some people care about me, but things have gone to far for me. School is a living hell and I know that is basically what every teenager says but for me it was different. I would say I was liked all around school but I was also disliked very much. No one really knew this because the friends I hung out with told me to avoid all the negativity so I kept all of it hidden, which ended up worse. By not expressing how I felt about me knowing that others are spreading things that aren't true about me and them all around being rude. I never knew what I did wrong to make people dislike me so much. I know I'm not the best but I know I didn't do anything too bad. How could so many people dislike one person so much. 

I know this letter seems more like a complaint than a good-by. I know that that is what usually people do in these type of letters but as everyone knows I'm not normal. I can't say good-bye to people I love when I am leaving like this. I know this is going to be tough but not only is this better for me but the next thing is going to sound very cheesy. Move on. I know that it will be tough for my family and close friends, but others shouldn't have a problem. My school wasn't the best and the people weren't the greatest, but I did have friends and I liked some people but I don't think anyone liked me. I hope I don't upset anyone, or hurt anyone, but it had to be done. I was just another girl that wasn't happy with the life she was given. 

Bye

Jessica