Things I should have said

Letter #4

Dear Cassidy,

There were so many times that all I could think about was kissing you.

You would talk to me and I imagined kissing you.

You would yell at me and I imagined kissing you.

I was pathetic. And so achingly obvious in my affections. I can see that now.

Hindsight is twenty-twenty so they say.

You told me again when we're were seniors in high school that you could like another girl.

And again I found hope.

By then I knew that I could never have you. But I still hoped.

I tried to forget you. I tried to transfer these feelings to another. She accepted the affection, but said she could never love me back.

I told her I was used to it.

Then you said you wanted to be friends again.

I would have followed you into oblivion. I agreed to be friends.

And again I wanted so badly to kiss you.

You were my first love.

Did you know that?

- Rayna