Review Grotto {CFCU}

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

Hello merls! We have our first review already! So let's jump right into the deep blue of this story! Get ready, because it's a good one!

Title: The Boy Who Cried Wolf

Author: Albus-Potter

Status: Ongoing

Summary: Jackal is known for being a trouble-maker and a liar - a menace to all who know him, except from his sister, Elyza. Elyza is devoted to her brother, but worries at his antics. She hopes that he will realise the error of his ways, before it is too late.

However, in a kingdom of strange powers and creatures, nowhere is safe. With many restrictions, each citizen lives in constant fear. In a remote village bordered by mysterious woods, rule-breakers must be punished, and the law enforcers never show mercy.But although everybody makes mistakes, Jackal's treachery cannot be ignored.Sooner or later they'll find out.And when they do, they'll be coming.

I'm gonna start with the fact that your summary is very good. This is a key detail to getting readers and you nailed it! It give me just enough about the story, but also leaves me wondering what will happen. Summaries like this will hook readers in because they need to know what will happen! So well done on that!

Your characters emotions are great as well. They give me just enough to know how they're feeling. If you wanna go a step above great, you can really dig deep into your character. Describe what sets them off, what makes them upset, how they're body feels when they're feeling a certain emotion. Try to rise above 'great' and move onto excellent. Show your audience who Jackal and Elyza are. You say Jackal is a notorious liar, but how do I know for sure? What thoughts are going on through his head that proves he is what you say. Same with Elyza. You tell us she is devoted to her brother. How do we know? It's digging deep into parts like that, that separate you from the rest.

Now let's move onto one of my favorite parts of writing. You imagery! I'm not getting enough of it. I can't picture the world Jackal and Elyza live in! For readers that like this kinda thing, you need more! And really it's not that hard. I was reading a story the other day wit amazing imagery. Everything the author wrote came to life. So my tip to you, what does this remind you of? Can you find another way to word it? Write the sentence out, then look back to it. What can you add, change and fix. Just like the internal thoughts, dig deep. Bring this world to life. Make the readers feel like they're watching a movie. But at the same time, don't over detail things. There's a difference between good, important imagery and useless imagery. Example below:

What not to do-

The tiny green couch in the right corner of the house with purple pegs on it, sat in tons of dust because it hadn't been used in so many years because nobody like the chair. Lot's of spider webs crawled on it and it seemed to be even more creepy because it was in a dark corner.

That above is pointless. Unless the chair and all those details play an important part in the story, then you don't need them! You could briefly mention the chair like:

The olive green chair sat in a secluded corner, layered with dust.

That is just enough. So what I'm basically trying to say is, if it's important, pile it up. If it's not then only quickly describe it. We readers want a lot for the good stuff. Like with the wolf scene in chapter five. I get that Elyza and Jackal couldn't see them, but what could they hear? What were they picturing was happening? Add that kind of stuff and readers will be sprinting back for more.

This part is a little less important, but adds that extra sparkle to your work. Side character actions. What are the characters besides the main one doing? Adding little things like the actions they make may be important to later on in the story. If you only describe what one character is doing, then you won't have anything to reveal or tell the readers about. Like maybe your MC's sister hides something in her pocket. How can that come into play later on. Now if you don't wanna do anything like that, still add them. It just adds a little something extra to your writing that is nice to have!

I'm gonna be honest here. It was difficult for me to pick things out. I mean, everyone can improve. And there's always something to work on. But as of right now, everything looks good. The idea you have is a good one and certain aspects of your writing are great! Your grammar and spelling is good and you know how to keep your readers on the edge of their seats. If you consider and put into play some or all of the stuff above, who knows how big your story will get! I hope you're satisfied with your review and have a lovely day! <3