lost and found; lrh

twenty one

Days two through four consisted of me going into a cleaning frenzy. Andrew appreciated that because every day when he'd come home the whole house would be spotless. It's not getting any easier, but occupying my mind with activities sure did help.

Now I'm onto day five and there's nothing left to clean. I haven't talked to Luke in a few days. I assume he's just too busy for me, but there's still a glimmer of doubt in the back of my mind that it's much more than that. Every time I text him I get no reply, so I just decided to wait for him to contact me. Instead I invited Danielle over, because again, she's a distraction.

She was sitting beside me on the couch when her phone buzzed. I felt my heart beat increase in hopes of it being my phone instead of hers, but of course that didn't happen.

I glanced over at her just in time to see a huge grin plastered to her face as she typed something into her phone. "What's got you all happy?" I giggled. The giggle was in disgust, but I doubt she could tell the difference. I envy her oblivion sometimes.

"Oh it's Michael." She replied shortly, the smile still apparent on her lips. "We've been texting nonstop since he left." She locked her phone and met my eyes once again.

"Oh." Was all I said. My theory had just been confirmed. Luke wasn't too busy to talk to me. He just didn't want to.

She nodded her head. "I really like him, Bay." She smiled widely as her peach toned cheeks began to redden.

I gave her a weak smile in return. "I'm really happy for you, Dani." Which wasn't a lie; I'm honestly happy that she's happy. Everyone deserves to be happy, I'm just jealous. I feel my happiness fade from me every day I don't hear from the only thing supplying it to me.

"Thank you. He seems really into me, too..... but I can't tell." She frowned slightly.

"Trust me, he likes you just as much as you like him." I assured. This I knew, for I had spoken to Michael about it numerous times.

She squealed like a little school girl. "Since we're on the subject, how are you and Luke doing? You guys seemed inseparable so I can't even imagine what it's like having him gone." Her expression became endeared towards my emotional well being. I just froze in my seat; paralysed my the mere mention of his name.

I shrugged it off. "I think we're okay."

"You think?" She raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean you 'think?' You should know!"

I winced. "Well, I mean. I. You know." I stumbled over my words. "We're good! We're fine, okay? God." I stood up and headed out the living room towards the kitchen. It wasn't long until I heard her following close behind.

"Well Bailey I know Luke isn't the most trustworthy boy, I mean he does like women and since he's really hot and has the ability to get other women besides you without you knowing, he may just he doing that. I'm not saying he is but-"

"Okay enough." I shouted. "You don't know luke the way that I do, and I know he wouldn't do that to me. So please, just leave."

"I'm just trying to look out for you, Bailey. I didn't mean to offend you." She attempted, hurt flashing over her light blue eyes.

"Please go."

She sighed, accepting my request. I watched her walk the whole way out and right as the door clicked shut I fell to the floor in tears.

How do I expect to get over my fears when I'm constantly being reminded of them. What's even worse is that it was someone else and wasn't just my mind mustering up the impossible. It's not impossible, that's the thing. He very well could be cheating on me with another girl.

If he can break his promise, then I can break mine.

I made my way upstairs and locked the door to my bedroom behind me. I could feel my body tense up as I entered the bathroom, then it started to shake when I pulled out my retainer case.

I ran a hand over the scars lining my forearm. Time to throw it all away.

I fumbled with the razor before pulling it out and pressing it to the skin. My body was shaking violently, and my breath hitched in my throat.

Just as I began making the tick in my skin, my phone vibrated on the counter next to me.

Luke: Hey Bay, I know it's been awhile but I love you, and I hope you're okay. I'll be home soon.

I dropped the razor. But how did he know? How did he know I needed him more than anything right then and there? How...

I texted him back and told him how much I needed that text and how much I loved him. If there's anyone that makes me want to better myself, it's him. I would give anything to keep him in my life. He's the light at the end of the tunnel.

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