Durarara: Please, Izaya

Chapter Seven

There was blood. There was always blood: my blood. At the time, I was so used to seeing blood that I never thought twice about it.
Through the blood I could make out my brother's face; the terror in his eyes from the first time he found me like this was as clear now as it had been then. Kasuka's face changed from the horror of the first time to the disappointed one he wore at discovering my relapse.
My brother's face faded from view revealing an image of my teenage self leaning against the side of the bathtub in my old house. Blood was pouring from the wound in my forearm; before this I had always stuck to my thighs-nobody could see the cuts, the mark of a futile attempt at feeling human, but this time I was aiming for the lethal veins and arteries that hid just beneath the surface.
  My former self's hand rested on a bottle of pills beside me, jaded from the immense blood loss all he could do was stare. I didn't want to watch this. I don't want to see and feel what had already been done and felt. I watched my former self pick up the bottle. It was hard to watch but even harder not to. The memory of the internal battle that took place while holding that bottle in my hands all those years ago made me turn away with a sick feeling.
The people I was closest to were all around me. My father sat at the foot of the bed, hand on my ankle protectively waiting for me to wake. My mother rested her head beside me on the bed, snoring softly. Kasuka sat in the chair next to her with his usual calm demeanor and blank face, nothing off about his appearance except for the trail of tears coming from his red rimmed eyes that quickened when I opened my eyes and looked over at him.
Then I was watching my younger self in the bathroom in the psych ward staring at the healing wound on my arm and crying. I hadn't wanted to be in that nightmarish place anymore, but I knew I belonged there...

Shizuo awoke suddenly with a tight throat, his head thick with the memories. He sat up, staring blankly ahead while a swirl of indescribable emotions filled his chest; he hadn't had that dream in years.

Izaya's Point of View
  Shizuo showed up the other day after I left Shinra's--probably upon the doctor's request. Even as I fervently argued against his presence, he pushed his way through my door and made himself comfortable. He's been here everyday in the week that's passed since I left Shinra's and even so much as stayed here one night. Worse than spending all this time with him lately, I actually came to enjoy his company. In a week's time I went from despising the blond haired monster to feeling comfortable in his presence.
  We never spoke a lot. The first day he asked some basic questions--why do you do this? What did you use? How are you feeling now?--to which he got mostly silence littered with vague comments and cynical remarks. Of course, I had no luck in convincing him that going so far this time was an accident.

Shizuo's Point of View
I'd been at his apartment consistently all week. After he almost killed himself on "accident" I thought it would be good to keep him some company, not that I needed to or like he even cared that I was there.
I had been constantly revisited by the images from the dream, the resurfaced feelings from all those years ago, things I thought I had gotten over, forgotten.
"Izaya I wanted to tell you, I-"
"Ah," he held up his hand and spoke dully, "you don't need to say anything. I already know what you did when you were younger. Besides, even if I didn't know, it's not like you telling me about it would have made much of a difference."
"Right," I had to suppress the urge to strangle the flea who sat at his desk staring indifferently out the window. Of course he knew, that was his thing, but does he always have to be so damn insensitive?
Just as I opened my mouth to speak he said, "Don't even try to convince me yet again that I should stop because I won't."
As usual, he read me like a book. He knew what I was about to say with a response prepared.

A/N-I'm sorry this chapter it's just a filler, and it seems...really abrupt. It's also super short, and that doesn't help. I hope it's forgivable.