Heaven's Hell (Urban Fiction)

Chapter 3: Shed So Many Tears

*Heaven*

*1992*

"Don't cry baby girl. Be a soldier aigh? You a soldier remember that." He said to me wiping my tears. "You know I don't like seeing you cry."

I stopped crying and began weeping silently. Josiah's voice was always soo soothing to me. His voice was always my favorite sound to listen to.

"See? There you go. Now come on ma, I got you. I'm right here." He said to me attempting to calm me down and console me. He picked me up and carried me upstairs to his bedroom, sitting me down on his bed. He goes inside his closet and grabs his shirt and basketball shorts for me to put on.

He turned around so I can get dressed. "I'm finished."

He turns back around and laid down on the side off me. He glanced over at me, "What you wanna do? You wanna watch tv?"

I shake my head, "No I just wanna go to sleep. I had enough of today."

He kissed my forehead, "I understand. Come here why you so far away?"

I smiled and scoot closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me and I lay my head down on his chest while he stroke my hair until I fall into a nice sleep.

***

"JOSIAH CROOKS! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!?"

I jumped up startled from hearing the screaming and yelling from downstairs.

"YOU BRINGING DRUGS INTO MY HOUSE!? I FOUND A WHOLE STASH IN YOUR LITTLE HIDING SPOTS! YOU WERE NEVER 'WORKING' TO BEGIN WITH! YOU WERE OUTSIDE IN THE FUCKING STREETS SELLING DRUGS! I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THAT JOJO!" I heard Ms.Katherine yell at Josiah.

Oh shit this is bad. I had thought to myself. I got off the bed and cracked the door open.

"Ma we're broke! We live in a broken ass apartment! I couldn't take seeing you struggling every single day! I needed to make money somehow! It's not like you cared anyways you smoking the same shit that I'm selling! You rather smoke that shit than to take care of your son!"

*Smack*

"You watch your mouth boy! You know we don't have extra stuff but we're doing okay! You know we're doing okay!" She said with her voice cracking and tears were falling from her eyes.

"You know what I'm out mama. I can't deal with this shit anymore." He walked away and start making his way up the stairs.

I hurried up and jumped back on the bed and he came into the room and slammed the door. He balled up his fists while shaking his head. He grabbed a bag and started throwing whatever that could fit in it.

"Josiah where are you going?"

He sighed, "Heaven," He started off, "I gotta get away from all this bullshit. I can't live like this anymore. Being broke, not having no money, seeing moms struggling and smoking that bullshit, it got me going crazy. Going through this poverty shit is hard." He had tears rolling down his face, "If I hated anything it would be going through this. I have to go I'll be back before you know it." He kissed my cheek and gets up.

"Woah Josiah, what you mean? You really about to leave? Especially leave me behind? Knowing what I'm going through!?" He had got me all the way fucked up, I wasn't letting him go anywhere unless I was going with him. I thought to myself.

"Heaven listen-" I cut him off by yelling in his face.

"No you listen! You promised me! You promised that you would always be here for me! Who's going to take care of me if you go? Who's going to protect me?" I started to cry. Tears escaping from my eyes. Josiah seeing me cry broke his heart, he wiped the tears off my face and cuffed my face in his hands.

"Heaven don't cry. I know you don't want me to go but I promise it won't be long. Once I get my shit together I'll come back running to you no doubt about that." He said looking into my eyes.

"Why can I just come with you? Please Josiah....don't leave me you're all I have." I said, my voice cracking.

He hugged me tightly and I hugged him back, "I'm sorry Heaven. You can't come with me with the shit I'm about to do, I don't wanna risk getting you hurt and involved into some shit." He said with his head resting on the top of mines, "Stop crying. What I tell you about that? You suppose to be my soldier." He pulled away and look me in the eyes, "I love you stick figure."

"I love you too big head." I nearly whispered.

He kissed my forehead and picked up his bags. "I'll see you soon. I promise. You got my number also so if anybody fucks with you you let me know. I'll have this whole city blown the fuck up if something happens to you and I put that on my life, got it?" Josiah said and he was dead serious too. Trust me, I know.

I nod my head and with that he grabbed his belongings and walked out the door.

***

I took a deep breath and began to run. I didn't know where I was running to but I knew I needed it. I immediately stopped running when I see an abandoned house. Once I sat down on the steps, out of nowhere raindrops starts to fall. A tear managed to escape from my eyes and I buried my face in my hands and began breaking down.

I've been through so much in life. I went through my parents being addictive to drugs. Always having to hide from my daddy so he wouldn't touch me.

Two years later, after graduating high school, instead of going to college I wanted to become a model. So I've been working in the model agency for three months but had to quit because I became pregnant with my son at the age of 19 by some low life nigga I met at a party. His name was Terrence and we were only together for eight months until he overdosed on drugs. His mother found him unresponsive in his bedroom. He died a month before our son was born.

June 15, 1995 my son Noah-Josiah Heart was born. He was born a day before Josiah's birthday. Crazy huh?

A year later (1996) things got even tougher for me, I was still living with my parents but we soon got evicted due to nonpayment because they were spending all their money on drugs and my $8 an hour wasn't doing shit. So my 1 year old son (Noah) and I had to move into a shelter and I started working at a fast food restaurant. Four years had passed and I still haven't spoken to Josiah. Oh yeah I forgot, niggas done became a rapper and gotten famous and forgot about his people's but it's all good. Fuck that nigga.