Hanging On (A Keemstar X Leafy Fanfic)

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[A/N: There might be another update for this story before the next chapter of Let Me In.. ]

"It's about time you fucking answered! I've been calling and texting you ever since you left!"

"What did you want, Dylan?" Calvin said, his tone as flat as it had been the last two days.

"To make sure you're still alive and to ask why the hell you just left for New York? Especially after what you did." The man's voice was angry, but somehow held an ounce of concern for Calvin.

Calvin didn't want concern. He wanted Dylan to despise him like everyone else, there was really no reason for him to like him anyway. It's not like he was some amazing roommate.

"I'm travelling again," He heard a sigh on the other end of the line. "Just to get my mind off things. I'll be back in Seattle eventually." Calvin didn't think he would make it to Seattle in all honesty. He was barely keeping himself alive as it was. When he took a shower he found himself staring down at his body, wondering how it had gotten this bad after such a short amount of time. Was a little youtube drama all it took to break him? Or was he just unusually fragile at the moment?

"Calvin," The man's voice ripped him from his thoughts. "Just promise you'll keep in touch. Don't do anything crazy either." His voice had softened a bit towards the end.

"Alright.. Dylan?" He swallowed as he felt his throat start to constrict as his body tried to keep the words from leaving his lips. "I'm sorry I just left. I didn't mean to make you worry."

There was a silence before Dylan spoke again. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

-

Daniel was fed up with all this shit.

Even though he'd said he was done stressing over Calvin, he couldn't seem to stop the worry that always flooded over him when he saw something related to the man. Whether it was one of the stupid memes on twitter or someone retweeting a tweet from Calvin himself.

The truth was, it pissed him off immensely. He needed to know where the younger man was. He needed to know if he was even alive. After the shit he pulled there was no chance Calvin would reply to him on skype, although he still stood by almost everything he had said.

The younger man had not tweeted or anything and it drove Keem crazy how easily he had forgotten about his audience, or what little audience he still had. He knew for a fact that Calvin cared about his fans. He always had. Back when they were friends and talked regularly, he could practically feel the passion radiating from the man as he talked about his subscribers. The thought that he could abandon them so easily annoyed Daniel.

He opened skype and typed out a message before hitting send.

Daniel: Ricecum passed you in subs

Daniel: You're no longer the #1 cyberbully

Surprisingly, he received a response a minute later.

Calvin: At this rate, anyone can pass me in subs

Daniel: Maybe if you make some content you would stand a chance

Daniel: You're being pathetic

Calvin: Well yeah, I'm a worthless drug addicted piece of shit.

Daniel: I didn't mean that, I was angry.

He lied. He had meant it. He was angry but it was true.

Calvin: You don't have to lie

Calvin: I know I am

Daniel stared at his monitor. Calvin was actually owning up to something for once?

-

Calvin couldn't believe he was doing this.

He had brought just enough filming supplies to make a decent video. Just enough to clear some things up between him and his subscribers. The only difference this time was that he was no longer better than them in any way. In his past videos he had always felt a small amount of superiority when commentating, as if he was some sort of demigod among humans. He imagined that's how Ricegum felt at this moment, except times ten.

Now he was one with his subscribers. Calvin was no longer a demigod and instead just an ordinary human with a camera and a mic.

He had purposely slipped on the loosest black hoodie he had with him to distract from how malnourished he was before picking out a random snapback which happened to be a red one. His hair had gotten a bit longer than it usually was, to the point where he had began tucking his bangs behind his ear. Luckily, his hat distracted from his hair length.

Calvin pulled his chair up a bit and brought the mic closer to him, but not covering his face. He hesitated before he pressed a button on the camera and began recording.

"Hey guys," His voice wasn't like it was before, no longer sarcastic just rusty from the lack of use. "It's been a while.."

It felt strange talking in the mostly empty apartment with no script or even a thought of what he would say.

"So as you probably know, I've not posted a video in about three weeks. I'm sure some of you watched the um.. Drama alert that explained that.." He cleared his throat.

"I know I've fucked up big time in the past. I'm not going to try and excuse it, I'm just an asshole. My channel's dying, I know. Honestly, I'm completely fine with that. I actually think it'd be better if it was dead. It's all just so cancerous.." He rubbed at his nose with his sleeve as frustrated tears began to prick at the corners of his eyes. "Sorry, I.. I'm sorry."

"If I've ever manipulated you at all, I'm sorry. I know it sounds fake as fuck, but I really am. I don't expect anyone to forgive me after all the twisted shit I've done. You really shouldn't forgive me at all because well.. Let's face it, I'm a piece of shit."

He ended the video there. He didn't see the point in dragging it on further, just revising and repeating what he said previously wouldn't make the recording any better. He didn't bother editing it and instead left it raw, uploading it to youtube right away. He didn't bother with the description or an intro - there was really no point anyway.

He studied the optional thumbnails as he waited the short amount of time for the video to upload. No doubt he would be teased about his appearance in yet another video, not only by viewers but by youtubers as well. He laughed to himself as he imagined Onision making a video much like the ones he had made on Eugenia Cooney since they looked almost the same at this point. Well, minus the banning him off YouTube thing since he was practically doing that to himself now.

The video had gone up quickly and just as he was about stand from his chair, the ringing of a skype call almost made him jump. He answered it, making sure he had his webcam off.

"Calvin what the fuck happened to you?"  

[A/N: Oooooh I wonder who it is.. ]